My Sunflower

I keep a journal of milestones and special moments with Boy, knowing full well that it might never be given to him, that he might leave our family, making my notes and thoughts moot, or at least, irrelevant. But, we decided a long time ago that we didn't want to not do things simply because a child might leave us, and have wasted months or years if a child does stay forever, so I journal to make note of the things I want him to know about his childhood when he grows up. And if that means I get "too attached" and my heart is smashed against the pavement, so be it.

This is yesterday's entry.

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In our garden, we're growing sunflowers. They're 6 feet tall now - maybe more - towering over everything else in the garden. But they weren't always that way. Together, you and I have monitored their growth almost daily, excited and trying to be patient. Some days, the changes were noticeable - new leaves, a wider stem, or a few more inches in height. Other days, there seemed to be no change at all. A few weeks ago, flower heads finally began to form at the very top; tight, little bunches of green fronds. For sure, we were close, I thought. And then - nothing. Days of nothing. It's easy to grow impatient.

But two days ago, we saw those green fronds give way and begin to curl back, revealing a tight bunch of yellow fronds - petals - and I thought for sure we'd have fully-bloomed sunflowers the next day.

I was wrong.

Instead, those thin petals are curling back out ever so slowly, one at a time, making me wonder if we'll ever have a full sunflower - let alone one on each of the 5, healthy plants.

You, little love, are a lot like this flower. We can watch you grow by leaps and bounds one month, and then see your growth stall out, even recede, as you struggle with your reality the next month. It hurts to watch you struggle and know there's not much we can do. And it's easy to grow impatient, or expect a sudden blossoming when in reality, we need to be satisfied with, and celebrate, the appearance of one, tiny petal. And most importantly, we do not lose hope. 

You are my sunflower, and God created you as such. Only He determines when you bloom.

June in Review

June was a ridiculous amount of celebrating - something different every weekend. I'm celebrated out.

• First weekend: Allie & Paul's wedding, in Hawaii. Absolutely beautiful. Also, a rather dramatic trip, thanks to the super hot sand.
• Second weekend: Matt's birthday. Happy 29, dear.
• Third weekend: Father's Day. So basically, like last weekend, but for a different reason. (I really do appreciate my husband as a father... Really.)
• Fourth weekend: Boy's birthday party. He turned 8, so we celebrated with our family at a nearby park. 
• Fifth weekend (because it was one of those months: Boy's 2nd birthday party - this time, with friends. Not sure I'll ever do that again - it was just a lot of partying. :)

Other things in June:

• We gave Boy a bike for his birthday, so now we're having regular riding lessons...
• The garden is taking on a life of it's own. The sunflowers are taller than me, the mess of lettuce seed I spilled about 45 days ago is now bush-like greens, the tomatoes plants look like they could hide a small child, and I can only hope the potato plants have as much happening underground as they have happening above-ground. But there is something wrong with my spinach...
• The strawberry harvest was amazing. So yummy. Lost motivation halfway through all the busyness, and therefore, lost about 1/3 of our harvest to bugs and mold and Memphis.
• Matt worked hard on the shed that will become his workshop, so that our garage can be finished and become a family room, so that we can turn our existing family room into a bedroom, so that we can have more children... Follow?
• My aunt is home for the summer, before she moves to Saudi Arabia. She's living right around the corner from us, and we couldn't be more thrilled. Boy has found a new favorite playmate in JoDee, and I love her company AND the free babysitting.
• Boy's case was move from "concurrent planning" (meaning they were striving toward reuniting with his biological family as Plan A, while working toward adoption as a Plan B) to "adoption/permanency planning". That's a big deal... but it will take several more months before anything is even remotely finalized, and it could change at any time.

This is my verse this month: "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." Isaiah 26:3 - fitting, no?

May in Review

• We hosted our annual Kids Ministry Team Dinner - so fun! And beautiful! I'm really proud of our team!
• Celebrated Allie's pending nuptials with a lovely dinner party, hosted by some family friends.
• The garden is struggling along. If all else fails, I will have potatoes, snap peas and onions. Everything else looks horrifically weak.
• JoDee bought a second condo which we spent the last week of the month refurbishing, so she can live in it for a few months and then we can rent it out.
• Boy had his "1st Grade Concert" at school - so cute! Whoever thought to combine science and music together is a genius, because my kid knows what a "bivalve" is, thanks to the lyrics he learned for the concert's "Under the Sea" theme.
• Maui. Read about the drama here. 

How is it June already!?

My Best Friend's Wedding

(Or, "The Highs, and Lows, and Highs, of Maui")

(Or, "We Went to Maui and Lived to Tell About It")

We spent 3 days in Maui, plus a day of travel on either end. What a beautiful place. We will certainly cherish a few memories in particular. A few others, not so much.

Day 1 - Parasailing, Snorkeling, and Other Daring Adventures

Original Plan: Parasail, Snorkel, Eat, Shop, Swim, Eat some more (not necessarily in that order)

Revised Plan: 

We were tickled to be in Maui! We met up with Paul & Allie for an early parasailing adventure. We set it up as a surprise for Matt, and I was along for observation purposes only. We're both afraid of heights, but he's much more inclined to overcome his fears. After watching the family ahead of us, and then Allie & Paul, I talked myself into it. Nobody had to apply any pressure at all - the take off and landing was so easy, and the risk of being dropped into the water (my real fear) seemed acceptably minimal.

I was nervous until the moment my feet were off the boat deck, and then it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Peaceful. Beautiful. I was ready to do it again before we'd even landed.

(Paul & Allie - his first time, but she's an old hand.)

(That's us!! I still can't believe I did it!)

I was itching to get into the ocean, but we were thirsty. We stopped to rest and rehydrate at a little restaurant on the beach, then walked down to Black Rock, on the north end of the beach, to snorkel. Matt & I snorkeled on our honeymoon in Mexico, but it just doesn't compare to Hawaii. We took our time, swimming out and around the rock, and then drifting back with the surf (well, except for that 20 minute period that we had to work hard against the current and I had to continually talk myself out of drowning). The fish were active and unafraid, and we'd heard a rumor about a sea turtle hiding out in a cave down below (too far below for us to venture).

After quite a lot of salt water, we were ready for lunch and opted to walk down to Whaler's Village, on the south end of the beach. We knew the sand was hot. We just didn't realize how hot. Matt had given up on his flip flops, finding them inconvenient. We were nearly at our destination, single file, when I realized Matt was no longer with us. Retracing my steps, I found him on the lawn of another resort, in the care of their general manager, a surf instructor and a big burly dude with a first aid kit, his feet covered in huge blisters and bleeding. They shuttled us to a doctor nearby, who cleaned up the wounds, wrapped up his feet, gave me prescriptions and instructions, put him on crutches and sent us on our way...

So, that put a little damper on the trip. Suddenly the game plan was changing and we had no idea how much he'd be up for. (Turns out, not much.) That night, Allie & Paul took me to dinner when Matt insisted that I go do something fun. I did discover Loco Moco, new favorite food.

Day 2 - In Which We Make the Best of Things, or Try to, Anyway.

Original plan: To rent a car and spend the day exploring the island, doing whatever we saw fit to do.

Revised plan: Matt not being mobile, it felt like our options were limited. I could amuse myself for the day, or we could find some activity to do together. We figured a car rental would still work - at least he'd be sitting, and we could see the scenery, which is better than laying around, right? Maybe.

So we did rent a car - a Mustang convertible, (is there any other way to go?) in cherry red (or "arrest-me red" as I like to think of it). We headed out toward Hana, enjoying the scenery - but I tell you, the hairpin turns, one lane bridges, and narrow roads are downright harrowing. We made it about two thirds of the way, with Matt in pain, and reacting poorly to his pain meds, when I decided I was just downright tired of driving and wanted to go home. We grabbed smoothies and banana bread, turned tail and headed back to Kaanapali, stopping to pick up two Loco Mocos for dinner.

Day 3 - My Best Friend's Wedding


This was the big deal - the whole reason we were in Maui, to marry off Allie & Paul. They chose Lanai, a beautiful, remote little island you can only reach by ferry from Maui.

Original Plan: Get up early, pack up our stuff, head out to Lanai, wedding, dinner, sleep, leave for airport directly in the morning.

Revised Plan: It would have been ridiculous to drag Matt, in bandages and crutches, onto the ferry - particularly with the amount of walking we'd do for the wedding anyway. It was a tough decision, but we opted for him to stay at the condo while I went out to Lanai for the wedding. Heartbreaking.

And so I did. I packed up, set out food and water for him, like I was leaving my cat for the weekend, and hopped the ferry. I was instantly in love with Lanai. There are two resorts on the island, both Four Seasons, and I'm not used to living quite so elegantly (though, let me tell you, I'd be happy to adjust).

The resort was incredible, as was the customer service (gets me every time), and "Auntie Irene", who sits in the lobby, making leis and floral pieces, came to the rescue to make me a new lei for the ceremony, when I left my specially ordered one at the condo.

The ceremony took place on the beach, amongst the lava rocks, with minimal planning, and I wasn't a bit nervous. We were all so comfortable and relaxed, both families are loving and gracious, and I just couldn't be any happier for the couple.

They had no preferences for the ceremony, so I planned a special element - a handfasting using a Maile ("my-lee") lei, as a nod to the heritage of this beautiful spot that is their favorite place in the world. The Meile plant represents love, peace, joy, respect and commitment, all of the virtues I hope for their marriage.

After the ceremony, we had a beautiful dinner at the restaurant at the resort. Their staff (and Allie's new in-laws) went out of their way to make our dinner special - a beautiful table setting, pink roses, a surprise wedding cake, and even a special message to the couple on the menu.

It was a beautiful evening, such a special day, and I couldn't be happier for them both!

April in Review

• It took like 2 weeks to recover from our amazing vacation in Mexico. So the first part of April is a bit fuzzy!
• My major project this month was preparing for our annual Kids Ministry team dinner, which included, this year, making a video to introduce our new team t-shirts.
• I had a great "fun night" with our Kids Ministry Executive Team - so thankful for this team of leaders that helps lead our ministry forward.
• Aunt JoDee & I did some condo shopping, as she'll be buying another property for us to manage while she's away.
• We made plans at Creekside to launch a Preschool this fall. So excited! I've dreamt of having a preschool at Creekside!
• It's finally gardening season, and I'm so thrilled. Last fall, we sectioned off an area for an addition to our vegetable garden and I've been anxious to make it look less redneck and get it finished. We laid down landscaping fabric and put up a border for it.
• Boy & I started working on his "lifebook", a sort of scrapbook DSHS encourages foster parents to create to help kids connect their past and their future. We're really enjoying this project!

No pictures this month! Oh well!

March in Review

• Said goodbye to Matt's mentor, Rick, who went home to be with Jesus. He made a big impression on our marriage and will be missed.
• Conference with Boy's teachers indicated that he's doing VERY well at school - making great progress, and making us proud.
• Went back to contact lenses after 9 years of glasses.
• Vacationed in Mexico with family.
• Celebrated Easter with Boy.

On to April!

Mexico, Day 7

Our last day! We were mostly packed by the time we went to bed last night, so we slept in, enjoyed a leisurely breakfast with the family, and then hit the pool. I must've felt overconfident in my base tan, because I seem to have added a layer of sunburn on top of yesterday's pink. It was lovely spending the last few hours lounging in the sun and in the water. We roughhoused in the water, tossing each other off rafts, and I hesitated about going back to real life.

But the time came to say goodbye, so we cleaned up and threw our soaked suits into our luggage, and headed off to the airport. I teared up a bit, but I know I was ready to go home too.

Mexico, Day 6

Our last full day in Mexico, and I was itching for some kind, any kind, of adventure. We had breakfast with the family, then Matt and I made up our minds to visit Isla Cuale, a little tiny island just south of Malecon, the boardwalk, in Old Vallarta, which was rumored to have a park, shopping and over 100 feral cats.

The rumors proved true and we found a few more items on which to lighten our pocketbooks including a talavera casserole dish, some jewelry and a stylin' hat for Matt. We found our way to the south end of the boardwalk and walked the length back, enjoying the street artists that posed as sand-creations playing chess, or pulling Excalibur from a rock.

By the time we were back to the resort, it seemed lunchtime, so we caught up with Katey and the kids for a bite. The afternoon was spent in the pool while the others golfed, and we soaked up the last of the Puerto Vallartan sun we'd enjoy.

Dinner tonight was our "fancy" event - we all dressed up and went out to the Italian restaurant, a delicious way to spend our last evening. Matt and I decided to pack tonight so we can enjoy our last hours in the pool tomorrow, then stayed up late talking on our balcony, enjoying the view.

Mexico, Day 5

Today was Matt's big fishing day, an adventure he'd been planning since we first talked of Mexico. He, Bob, Kayden and RT were on the beach at 8am to meet a little boat they'd chartered for 4 hours. I was prepared for a whole lot of downtime while he was gone, so I took my time getting ready and met Katey and the kids just as they were finishing breakfast.

We were walking through the lobby, at Kole's insistence, when my ipad started making noise. At first I thought it was somebody else, but the sound was louder when I leaned toward my bag. An alarm was going off - it said "Go to spa for surprise".

I wasn't going to ask questions.

All of the pieces from the day before came back to me - how he convinced me to wait until Thursday and he'd get a manicure with me, how he disappeared just before dinner to do some fishing research. I later found that he'd really thought through everything and even my family knew that I needed to be at the spa by a certain time.

So I arrived there to find that he had arranged for me to enjoy a hydrotherapy circuit (seriously relaxing, had never done that before), an after-sun body wrap (that was new too), and a mani/pedi. I enjoyed nearly 3 hours of relaxing pampering. Loved it!

I was feeling hunger pangs (an unusual occurrence at an all-inclusive resort) and missing people so I found the rest of the girls when I was done. We hung out in the sun until the boys returned, and then Matt and I were ready for some quality time.

The boys hadn't caught anything worth keeping on their trip, which was quite disappointing for Matt. We spent our afternoon in the pool, then dressed up for our own date night dinner at the French restaurant. I didn't have high expectations but I was pleased! The food was elegant and tasty. By the time our leisurely dinner was finished, I was ready for bed!

Mexico, Day 4

Today was THE BEST, and for one reason only... But let me start by saying I woke up feeling like I'd done something strenuous yesterday, and at the end of the day, as I write this, nothing has improved.

Except that today was THE BEST!

But let me tell the events of the day in order. I was up like clockwork at 7am, so I read and drank my coffee until it was breakfast time. We ate with the rest of the family, then packed up our things and called a cab, which drove us 45min to Zoologica de Puerto Vallarta - the zoo!

This is not like an American zoo. Part of your admission fee is a little lunch sack full of animal snacks - carrots, bread, dried corn, peanuts and pellets. And if you're a sucker like me (and those with me), you'll pay a pretty substantial additional fee just so you can... Oh wait. That's later.

So our plan was just to see a few of the animals and then do our main attraction, but we were so drawn in by the up-close exhibits, and the hand-feeding. Flamingos ate pellets out of my hand; I gave carrots to greedy antelopes; I shared a carrot with a giraffe (who slobbered on me) and an emu. A tiger and a few other wild cats in heat paced in front of their cages, just inches away (and so irritable!)

The feeding was so much fun, we bought another bag of snacks halfway through. But THE BEST part was that I GOT TO PLAY WITH A TIGER CUB.

This has been on my "list" since I was 18. I made a list of 100 things I wanted to do before I die, and "pet a non-domesticated cat" was one of them. So when I heard that the PV zoo allowed you to interact with the animals, I was all over it.

Our advanced admission fee allowed us to interact with 3 baby monkeys (who were completely crazy), a lion cub and two tiger cubs. I was so stunned by their cuteness, I forgot to ask their names,

Mom & I went in first, so Matt & JoDee could take pictures, then we swapped. The monkeys were mischievous - one stole a barrette from mom's hair, then tried to remove my hair elastic, then jumped back and forth between our heads until his handler put him away. The cats were probably just a bit too old for this exhibit, or they hadn't had a break in awhile, because they were spirited and looking for a challenge. The lion cub was more interested in my shoelaces than me, and the tigers were less interested in the cuddling I wanted to do and more ready to gnaw, bat and wrestle. I had the distinct feeling they thought they thought they were playing with their food?

They were JUST THE BEST!!

But then reality called and it was time to taxi back to the resort. The rest of the day was enjoyable too - sandcastles on the beach, more eating tasty food, a little resting too. But it pales in comparison to the fact that I GOT TO PET TIGER AND LION CUBS!!

Mexico, Day 3

We were ready for some adventure today, and several of the others were out golfing, so after a leisurely breakfast, we called a taxi and ventured into "Old Vallarta".

On our honeymoon, we spent quite a bit of time in Old Town, the neighborhood just south of the hotel district. It has a beautiful boardwalk along the shore, decorated with a dozen or so bronze statues, all wearing a patina that betrays their age. And of course, I am drawn to the shopping.

So our mission, feeling familiar with the area, was to find a few gifts for our Boy and our wonderful housesitters, and to locate the shop where I bought a blue hand-painted pitcher nearly nine years ago, to find some kind of replacement (it seems I can't have nice things!).

We got caught talking to a few locals in one shop, which proved handy an hour later, when we'd done most of our shopping, having walked the entire boardwalk, but couldn't locate our pottery shop. Our new friend knew exactly the shop I described and drew us a map to get to it.

I was quite happy with our pottery findings, and ready to get out of the heat. We headed back and grabbed lunch, then found Katey, who was on her own with the kids, at the pool. The rest of the afternoon was leisurely spent in the pools, enjoying the sunshine, and having watergun fights with the boys.

We tried to take in a "show" after dinner, which turned out to be nothing more than a few dancers lip-synching to the soundtrack of "Grease" - but gave us a good laugh nonetheless.

Mexico, Day 2

Today was the right kind of lazy start one needs in their vacation. Being Sunday, most of the life in town is closed down for the day (though we were given the option to attend mass...) so we did quite a lot of nothing, alternating pools, eating, reading and resting, and some wandering about the resort.

For dinner, we gathered on the beach where the resort was hosting a large Mexican buffet and "show". The food was good, but between Matt not feeling well, and the too-loud mariachi music (not my favorite), it seemed a relief to turn in early.

We got quite a bit of sun today, with only a tinge of pinkness. Never having been one for diligence in sunscreen application, I'm trying my hardest this time, so as not to be miserable!

Mexico, Day 1

Oh, how we have waited for this trip! Initially, I felt anxious because we'd have to make arrangements for Boy and I didn't want to leave him, having made so many strides recently. But as we finalized the details for his care, I grew increasingly excited and ready for our vacation.

We honeymooned in Puerto Vallarta nearly 9 years ago (wow!) but this time, it's a family trip with my mom and stepdad, celebrating their 10th anniversary. Every 5 years, they've flown all of us to somewhere fun.

We were up early this morning and on a plane for the short trip to PVR. Matt and I had the last row of the plane to ourselves, which was lovely, but meant we were the last off the plane and through immigration. By the time we got to baggage claim, we couldn't find any sign of our flight and I was nearing tears when we heard a man calling "Kath-a-rine? Kath-a-rine?" in his thick accent, and found a baggage handler holding my suitcase - obviously the only one left from our flight. Whew.

We taxied to our resort and were stunned by its magnificence. Gated entrance, atop a hill, with a lavish beauty. The moment we stepped out of the taxi, we were greeted with beverages on a silver tray, and a bagboy who insisted that we were on vacation and must not handle our bags. Ok, then!!

Our room is gorgeous - possibly the loveliest place we've ever stayed. We settled in and then headed down to find a late lunch and a dip in the water. It seemed apropos that our first "dip" should be in the ocean, not the pool, so we headed for the beach, enjoying the rough waves and the silky sand.

Mom & Bob's room has a swim-up veranda/patio, so we spent some time in their pool until it was time to get ready for dinner. I've always thought I'd prefer cruises over resorts, but it definitely feels less crowded here, and far more comfortable.

Dinner was at one of the many restaurants at the resort. This was a buffet with so many options, it was hard to be choosy. After dinner, we wandered the resort, taking in a bit of a fire/drum show on the beach and enjoying the stars. Looking forward to tomorrow!

Room for Boy

On the heels of completing our redesign of the kids rooms at church, I was feeling inspired and motivated (and had all sorts of free time), so I launched immediately into redecorating Boy's room.

We set up this room originally to be gender neutral for ages 2-5 (which you can see here). We were feeling lazy then, so we kept the paint color from the fresh coat it got when we bought the house in 2009. But neither of us ever loved that color; it was time to brighten it up.

We picked Behr's Appletini, after 8 paint chips, 3 sample cans,  and 2 mind-changes (and a whole lot of lobbying on my end). Matt wanted Rave Green, and while I vetoed, we actually ended up pretty close. While we were up to our elbows in drop cloths and fumes, we opted to remove the baseboard heater that has never worked, so we can get the room ready for real baseboard trim, which we've never had. (It's a fixer-upper. We've just learned to deal with it.)

The quilt was a bit part of the change. The original quilt had been made by my mom (and is still on the bed, under this new quilt), and is terribly cute, but too young for Boy. So, I picked the palette and drew inspiration from a quilt on Pinterest (you'll be seeing a lot of Pinterest in this post!). It's the best quilt I've ever created, and I'm very happy with it. The back has his name stretched across it - one 9" block for each letter, inspired by this. He thinks it's pretty special.

A few elements stayed from the previous room. The furniture, the little wooden shelves, blind and curtains, and I didn't touch the closet. And also, this cute pennant string because I'm oh-so-in-love with pennants and I couldn't bear to get rid of it.

Most of the woodland creature theme got packed up or repurposed throughout the house - because I am still in love with woodland creatures.

Of course the whole motivation was to give Boy a room that felt like his. We're not sure he's ever had his own room before, let alone one fresh and fun, so it seemed worth it. I needed to add a handful of funky details.

This sunshine is one of my new favorite techniques: foamcore board, cut to shape and wrapped with fabric. We found this technique via Pinterest, and used it in one of the rooms at church, and I was itching to do it again. This is the room that made me feel the need to include a sunshine!

I didn't want to go too heavily themed, just a few accents that reflected Boy's personality and favorites. This boy is all sunshine, so this seemed appropriate. (And he was pretty impressed with it.)

The lego clock was another adapted Pinterest idea, and I'm on the fence about how it turned out. But again, Boy loves it, so who cares!

 

These clouds are corkboard, cut to shape and painted, and the thumbtacks will give Boy a place to hang up the fun little pictures and cards he receives. The idea came from an Urban Outfitters product that I love but am entirely too cheap to pay for.

Yet another Pinterest idea, these are papier mache boxes, minus their lids, painted on the inside only, and adhered to the wall with 3M "velcro" strips. I love the 3M wall-hanging products - so great. I should probably buy stock...

Again, inspired by Pinterest. An inexpensive shadowbox frame, spraypainted within an inch of it's life, containing a collection of hotwheels I picked up between Value Village and Fred Meyer, mounted on brown paper.

Boy could not conceive of cars that were merely decorative, behind glass, inaccessible, and could not be removed from the surface to which they were glued. Don't read too much into that - it'll break your heart.

This was one of my main ideas for the room. It started as a grand scheme - a magnetic road that goes all the way around the room (thanks to this idea on Pinterest), and then I got realistic. I used a crazy precise method of taping and sealing the tape before painting, so it was rather intense, and that was just on the 6 foot stretch of wall I did do, so I'm glad I talked myself out of the crazy. This is 4 coats of magnetic paint (and the white was painted first, then taped off with little precisely-cut slivers of white tape), topped with one coat of black latex paint. The only way we could get the cars to stick was using two neodymium (rare earth) magnets on each car. Lots of trial and error here.

We also added a few crates, stacked, for books, and I made a very brightly colored cover for his beanbag chair. The lighting is too awkward for wider shots, so this is all you get. Thanks for looking!

February in Review

February seems to have been all about finding a our new normal with Boy.

*Lots of our free time went into making over Boy's room to be a bit more age appropriate. He got a new coat of paint and several fun additions that are more boy and more 7. Pictures to come later.
*Since all of our redesign stuff at the church was done, I felt a surge of creativity and felt ready to sew. I made Boy a new quilt for his bed.
*Boy's reading is growing leaps and bounds, and he's progressing well in math too. He came home at the beginning of the month with a great report card that showed encouraging progress since the beginning of the school year.
*Lots of appointments this month with different providers who will help us with Boy and his needs. Exhausting, but helpful.
*Dress shopping with my best friend! I wasn't there where Allie found the perfect dress for her June 1 wedding in Maui, but it was fun to be a part of the extensive search.
*I officially stepped out of my role as one of the primary teachers in our kids ministry. It feels new and different, but I'll focus less on teaching now and more on leading our team and connecting with families. Feeling a bit like a fish out of water, but I'll adjust - and I'll still get to sub so I won't miss out on all the fun.
*Did a little prep in the backyard to get ready for spring. Need to get into the front flower beds and weed!

Lent

We're 2 weeks into Lent, and I'm learning. This has been the most challenging Lent season for me yet.

I gave up sleeping in.

That means that for the entire season (and probably continuing after Easter), I'm planning to rise an hour before my family. I've felt like my opportunity to read the bible, have a few moments of peace, and hear from Jesus has dwindled with the advent of Boy, and I sensed God's Spirit prompting me to rise at 6am to bring order to this chaotic part of my life.

I did not, however, realize how hard it would be. I've given up crazy hard things in the past. Coffee. Sugar. Soda. TV. And I've always been successful, because it seemed to me that giving up something for Jesus was just not an area where I could allow myself to fail. Yes, I do hear how that sounds. Which brings me right to what I'm learning:

Holy smokes, I'm prideful.

And oh my goodness, Lent is not supposed to be about me. It's supposed to be about Jesus and what He is doing in me when I cast off things that otherwise might entangle me.

And I am so very hard on myself.

I learned that last one on Tuesday, day 7 of Lent, when I had failed 5 times.

Yep, you heard me. We talked at our weekly staff meeting about Lent and I tearfully confessed that I had succeeded the first two days, and then fell prey to justification. I felt guilty and mad and sad and so very frustrated. I felt completely lacking of all self-control. I didn't understand why I had been so "successful" in previous Lenten fasts, but this year was so much harder.

Then it dawned on me. Lent is not about me. It's what Jesus is doing in me when I am obedient. Taking pride in my own spirituality (or whatever you want to call it) only makes me a Pharisee. Ouch.

So the staff encouraged me to have a do-over. And here I am nearly a week later saying that week 2 was an improvement, but not perfect. And I think I have to be okay with that. I'll let Jesus develop in me the necessary characteristics to "successfully" rise at 6am, cheerfully and diligently. For now, 4 out of 6 days shows progress.

I write this to tell you that if you're struggling with Lent, that's ok. I haven't got it all figured out. Obviously. Take a do-over. Make it less about you and more about Jesus. Accept progress.

How This Foster Parent Feels About SleepCountryUSA Commercials

It wasn't the first time this topic of conversation arose. Tonight, Matt and I debated the local SleepCountryUSA commercials. And I say "debated" only because I tried really hard to play devil's advocate, but the truth is that I feel just as he does.

These commercials make me cringe.

You've probably heard them. They often use the line "Not everyone can be a foster parent, but everyone can help a foster child." My most-recently least favorite commercial talks about donating a pair of pajamas being like giving a child a "warm hug".

My discomfort with these commercials has far less to do with their efforts (I like helping foster kids, too) and much more to do with their methods. These tag lines inspire guilt, and guilt is a crappy motivator.

The part of me that cares about what other people think of me also hates the way these commercials make it sound like foster parents aren't providing for foster kids. Granted, there is a small percentage of kids who don't get placed with foster parents (about 9% of foster kids are in institutions, 6% in group homes, and 1% in supervised independent living), and I won't argue that these kids need all the help we can muster. But foster parents already get a bad rap for the occasional horror story that ends up in the newspaper. (And in case you weren't aware, those situations really are few and far between. Department of Child & Family Services does an excellent job of monitoring their foster families and overseeing the wellbeing of kids in their care.) So these commercials make it sound like neglected kids get put into foster care where they continue to be neglected. And for the vast majority of foster kids, that is just not the case. So I don't like the insinuations of these commercials.

Am I saying don't donate? No. Feel free.

Am I saying SleepCountry, or their efforts to help kids, is bad? Not at all.

Do I sound totally crotchety for feeling this way? Maybe. And I think I'm okay with that.

My point is this: if you're going to donate your time or money to a cause, don't let it be driven by commercials that inspire guilt. Give your resources to something you're passionate about. You'll do a greater good.

We live in an incredibly rich country. Even our poor are rich, compared to the rest of the world. And instead of dealing with our problems, Americans like to throw money at them and hope they'll go away. So let's not talk about all those problems that lead families to need the help of the Children's Administration, that places kids in foster care. Let's just give "warm hugs" to those kids. (Please detect my sarcasm.)

This is just our opinion. I'll even give you the grain of salt to go with it.

Dinner, Elbows, and other Grievances of Parenthood

So many completely ridiculous moments have happened in our family in the last week, I feel like I have a month's worth of blog fodder. Alas, I have promised myself that I will do nothing/as little as possible to humiliate my children online.

So I'll just share one of today's golden moments, which is more about me than him.

You see, I'm my mother's daughter. (I think I start a lot of posts this way?)

And regularly, I open my mouth and her voice comes out.

And table manners are one of my pet peeves, because they were so emphasized when I was a kid.

Today at the dinner table, I noticed Boy leaning on his elbows while he ate, which allowed him to bring his face down to his plate and thereby shorten the distance his fork must travel in order to successfully shovel each bite into his mouth. So I took his elbow and moved it off the table.

Immediately, I flashed back to my childhood, and told Matt that I just remembered that my mom used to flick my elbows with her fingers. (I'm probably not allowed to do that. And good thing too. No offense, Mom.)

After dinner, Matt informed me that my, shall we say, "emphasis" on table manners was making mealtimes tense.

I may have suggested he take over etiquette training. I may have suggested he teach an etiquette class. I may have suggested he take an etiquette class. I was in fine form.

And as we debated/argued, he finally launched this perfectly logical question: why are elbows unacceptable at the table?

I paused. All I could come up with was "it's rude."

"Why is it rude?"

...

I've got nothing. I laughed because I couldn't come up with a single reason. I laughed till I cried. And then I called my mom (who didn't answer). Yeah, mom. Why are elbows on the table unacceptable?

She didn't know either, and sent me to google. Apparently, this rule surfaced in the Middle Ages when people were seated closely and at long tables, meaning your elbow would be in the middle of another's dinner plate. Now that we dine more comfortably, many say the rule is defunct. I think I'm losing this one.

******

Also, as I write this post, Boy sits at the table, coloring a little book of pictures he made at school. This is a consequence, because if you lie to me and tell me your teacher says you're not allowed to color something just because you don't want to color it, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna make you color the whole blasted thing.

January in Review

• I turned 30! (Today one of the kids asked if I was in triple digits yet.) We laugh now, but the day of was actually a bit traumatic. I was excited and eager to celebrate, and Boy came home from school exhausted and asked to go to bed early. So Matt and I ended up eating Dairy Queen for dinner in front of the TV. Not really what I'd anticipated...
• We've been working all month (the last of many months) in preparation for the Creekside Relaunch happening on Sunday, 2/3. New logo, new branding, new opportunities to serve our community. It's gonna be big!
• I had an awesome cold that lasted almost 3 weeks and finally required antibiotics... I can't say I'm 100% yet.
• We had some team leadership changes in our Kids Ministry that has meant spending extra time with some new leaders. I love seeing people put their gifts to work!
• Threw a non-shower shower for a friend having a baby next week. So excited to meet this little one! If her older siblings are any indication, she's gonna be gorgeous.
• Started the first of this year's garden additions in reused milk jugs to act as cold-frames. Hope this works!
• Met Boy's teachers and was thrilled by the glowing report they gave. They love him, told me all about how well he's doing, and helped me learn about some ways we can help him at home. I'm glad he's surrounded by such a positive team.
• The Thaete Household is adjusting well. We're all figuring each other out, adjusting to routines, and getting comfortable with boundaries.

It doesn't seem busy, but it's been busy. :)

Noodle Battle

Early on in Boy's time with us, I shared about some of our meal-time challenges. I remember asking his last foster mom for a more comprehensive list of favorites, and telling her that I wasn't planning on cooking different meals just for him, so I might as well start with things he liked... Her reply confessed that she pretty much cooked separately for him at each meal because he was so particular.

That was not going to happen in our house. This is not Burger King, you can't have it your way.

So we've been introducing our usual meal choices, along with a hefty plate of his favorite fresh veggies so that if he doesn't like dinner, he doesn't have to go hungry. We don't make a big deal about what he eats, which has helped minimize the button-pushing and boundary-testing, but we did notice a peculiar dislike for all variety of noodle. And it was maddening.

One evening, Matt - who is demonstrating exceptional parenting prowess at every turn -capitalized on a conversational moment with Boy to ask about his aversion to noodles. Hs response was something like:

"Well, if you wish really hard on a star, noodles can become snakes."

I suppose if I believed that, I'd avoid them too.

Matt handled it beautifully of course, and informed Boy that a) it doesn't work that way and b) noodles are made out of the same ingredients as lots of other things he loves. Like hamburger buns.

And because I'm kind of a brat, I only-sort-of intentionally planned a week's worth of meals involving mostly noodle/pasta dishes.

Sautéed chicken with buttered noodles. Boy ignored noodles.
Lasagna. Boy ate it. Didn't notice the noodles.
Tuna casserole. Boy ate that too, seemingly unaware of the noodles?

While I cooked yet another noodle dish, Matt broke the news to Boy that all of these things he seemed to like we're made with noodles even though the noodles looked and tasted different in each. Boy's jaw dropped. We stifled laughter.

Beef stroganoff, over noodles. Boy ate around the noodles, and we insisted on about 4 bites of actual noodle. He discovered that if you put stuff ON the noodle, it's actually not bad.

And tonight, I felt rather victorious as he ate most of the noodles in our Spicy Peanut Noodles, which he helped make. No fuss. No puking. Did I mention he "doesn't like" peanut butter?

So, I think that's 2 points for us, no? Too early in the game to call the winner of the Noodle Battle?

Milestone

Today, friends, we reached a milestone.

Today was the first day that I was not counting the minutes until bedtime.

You see, since boy came into our life three weeks ago, he has been expecting constant entertainment, and failure to meet his expectations was met with a battery of "I'm bored" and "What should we do now? What should we do after ...? What should we do after that?" (Yes, one after the other, just like that.

Over and over, I've answered the "I'm bored" with all sorts of things I'm sure my mother said to me:
"Do you need me to give you something to do?" (More of a threat than a legitimate question, as I rifled through a mental list of feasible chores. This was definitely my mother.)
"It's not my job to entertain you."
"Boredom is a choice, a lack of imagination."
And the most profound: "Congratulations."

But today... Ah, today was different. Today he occupied himself, finally learning that the only choices I ever give him when I'm busy are to play with toys in his room or to play with toys in his bedroom. Today, he didn't pester me with the plans for the day because he knew I'd only say what I always say: "I don't want to plan out every minute of my day" (Sidenote: This is totally false. More accurately, I don't want to share my plans. But he doesn't need to know that.) Today was a happy mix of time with Kate, time with Matt, time alone, time together as a family.

And that meant that when dinner was over and bedtime rolled around, we were still enjoying each other's company. No behavior problems. No irritations. No scoldings. Today was the first totally pleasant, enjoyable day we've had together. Milestone.

Ten Hundred Stars

Boy gets stars at school to mark his behavior - a star in the afternoon, a star at night. Until now, stars have been required for any screen time, and since that's his main motivator, it's helped him control the impulses that tell him to poke his neighbor and lose a star.

But things are changing around here as we learn about him and what he needs, we're minimizing screen time - like none at all during the week. Yesterday he got two stars and when he put two and two together that he wouldn't get to play video games even though he got his stars, you could see the gears turning. We're teaching him that being good at school is his responsibility ("his job") and we don't always get an immediate reward for doing our job.

So this morning, still wondering what would replace his video games as his reward, he peppered me with questions while we waited for the bus. I just tried to keep up.

A: "Kate, what happens when I get two stars?"
K: "I will give you a big hug and a big high five."
A: "Well, what happens when I get 200 stars?"
K: "I think we'll go out for ice cream."
A: "What if I get '10 hundred' stars?"
K: [doing mental math, 180 days in a school year, 2 stars a day, 360 maximum, ok I'm safe] "Buddy, if you get 1000 stars, we will go to Antarctica to visit the penguins." [Sure hope his teacher doesn't get any crazy ideas about calling my bluff...]
A: "What if I get 2 million thousand stars?"
K: "I'll let you be the parent, and I'll be the kid."
A: "What if I get 199 stars?"

Seriously, this went on for about 10 minutes until I finally told him my brain hurt. However, I think I've promised myself to: ice cream, a happy dance, Matt's happy dance, the dog and cat each happy-dancing, 12 high fives, and there may have been some talk about a trip to the moon.

December in Review

What a month! I love December - Christmas is my favorite time of year, and this December was special indeed.

• We returned in one piece from our Disneyland trip (but just barely!)
• I performed my first memorial service. Sad, but I was honored to do it.
• There was some snow. Not as much as we'd like.
• And so we bought new tires. That was expensive, but at least my car is ready for real snow.
• Boy came to us - it's like living with a whirlwind, a funny, affectionate, sweet little whirlwind.
• We saw the christmas light display at Bellevue Botanical Gardens, and drove through our usual neighborhoods. One of my favorite traditions!
• We decorated our own house for Christmas, of course.
• Memphis loves having a Boy of his own to play with. He's never far from the action.
• Matt and Boy discovered a love for trains on Christmas Eve when my stepdad busted out his old train set to go around the tree.
• Matt had another eye flare-up which landed us in the ER on Christmas morning.
• Boy & I saw "Wreck It Ralph" with some friends - seriously fun movie.

And now that it's January, a new life with new patterns shall begin.