some thoughts on christmas...

Every year, as we grow closer to Christmas, I begin to ponder the stories and prophecies of the birth of Christ. My favorite remains the story as told in Luke 2, perhaps the most often-recited version. You may recognize it from your own readings and church activities, or perhaps, you will recognize it from Charlie Brown Christmas.

As I read this on the ferry, Christmas Eve, I was halted by a line I'd never really noticed before, about Mary. And I wanted to share it with you, and pen some of my own thoughts. Here is the birth of Christ, as told in Luke 2:

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Did you catch it? Here it is again:

When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

Mary treasured the things she heard and pondered them. What does that mean? The shepherds were so ecstatic, they couldn't stop talking about it. They rejoiced, they glorified God, they praised Him. For the angels, the message, the tidings of great joy, and for the little babe in the hay.

You may, or may not, know that Mary was about 12 years of age. That's the time a girl married back then, and Joseph was likely not more than 15. Perhaps we would have to assess the typical maturity level of a 12 year old in those times, compared to today, but I know that I, as a 12 year old, could not have handled the weighty responsibility of carrying the Child of God in my womb, and bearing Him on Earth, (without drugs, no less!)

What does it mean, that while shepherds were praising, Mary was pondering? I'm not entirely sure, but I've chosen this view on it:

When Christmas is over each year, we often lose the spirit of Christmas. Generosity. Salvation. Forgiveness. Great Joy. These things should be with us year round. I think Dickens said it best:

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

Mary stored up the joy, the generosity, the salvation, the forgiveness - all of these things that have become ours because of the Advent of Christ - in her heart, that she might feast off of them all year round. In quiet, contemplative awe of the miracle at hand, she chose to sit by the cradle of her Son, of God's Son, and feel the things that we should feel when we reflect on the birth of our Savior.

There are three Mary's in the Bible that make an appearance, and each seems to have a profound interaction with the message of the Gospel. Mary, the mother of Christ, the chosen one of God. Mary of Magdela, a prostitute, a sinner, in need of salvation. And Mary, the sister of Martha, who knew that when the Savior came to dinner, He would be far happier having your attention than causing you to race around anxiously to prepare a great feast. Think what you will of the "unwed mother", the "prostitute", and the "lazy girl". But please, as the season draws to a close, keep mind of their quiet, contemplative spirit. None of the Marys could get enough of Jesus. And it seems clear that each of the Marys treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

Lord, help me to have the spirit of Mary.

when does it change?

i had the opportunity to talk with my aunt on Christmas morning, who lives in England with her husband. we were discussing (by phone, of course) the hecticness of our family traditions as they stand now - how we try to squeeze in three celebrations and a church service in two days. i told her that for now, i loved it. i love the busyness.

and she told me that one day, i'll be tired of it. i'll want a tradition of my own. funny thing is that until she said that, i hadn't realized how true it is. i'm okay doing it this way for now - maybe even for a few more years. but i know that when we begin a family of our own, i'll want to know what it's like to wake up on Christmas morning in my own bed, to the sounds of little feet running up and down the hallway, checking to see if we're up yet, or to the feeling of being watched, only to find my own little ones peering over the top of the mattress at me.

there are only two significant changes to my holiday traditions that i can recall in my lifetime. the first was the year mom & bob were married. that Christmas, matt and i were engaged, so he came with me to christmas at the farm, and it was decided that mom & bob would head back that same night to seattle, instead of spending the night at the farm as we had always done as a family in years past.

the second was about the same time, when matt and i decided that we would do "eachother's Christmases" as a family. so while i was used to two celebrations in one day, suddenly, there were three, and some family politics meant that pushing his family's celebration off to another day of the week would cause weeping and gnashing of teeth, and so we've chosen to do it this way. for now.

as we are more settled in our life, in our marriage, we are feeling the urge for a baby, even though i know i'm not ready for a few more years. and i think i've decided i want a dog first. (remember 28 days? first a plant. if you can keep the plant alive, then you get a goldfish. then a dog. then you're ready for a relationship. etc. totally applicable here.) so i wonder when our traditions for Christmas will change. maybe when we have a baby. maybe when our baby grows into a preschooler that really comprehends Christmas... or maybe when we get a dog.

christmas, in review...

matt says i'm suffering from present withdrawal. and i think he's right.

so, knowing that we have big plans for new years coming up, and my birthday the weekend after, and some spending money to blow, i'm going to get over myself and move on.

a little about our christmas...

we have a rather hectic tradition, but so far, i love it. friday night, i couldn't sleep, so i was up late scrapbooking until i felt my eyelids grow heavy. saturday morning, we were up early for breakfast with his family. his dad had to work, but we enjoyed a leisurely breakfast, a vivacious round of one of our favorite games - Mexican Dominoes, and of course, gifts.

{mexican train dominoes with matt's mom & sister - one of our favorite games}

nikki made us a set of gorgeous stamped linen napkins. matt's mom bought him a laser level and studfinder (and the joke of it beeping wildly when i point the studfinder in his direction just never gets old...) and me a customized Stampin' Up! copyright stamp, with my name on it. we got david a few fun books - drawing and counting, and a cute little outfit for kassidy. we gave nikki a beautiful porcelain church of the "victorian christmas house" variety, to help replace a collection she recently lost.

{as usual, the kid gets more out of the box than the toy (in his defense, the toy had to charge). but i think he makes the best christmas present of all, don't you?}

on the way home, we stopped at the superstore JoAnns to check out their Christmas houses. his mom gave me the funding to buy a few to start my own collection, as an early birthday present, and matt fronted me the money to buy another house. their Christmas stuff was already 70% off, so i got 5 $25/ea. houses for about $40. we headed home to pack up and rest, and then headed to church for the annual candle-lighting service. the message was poignant (another day, another post, maybe.) and, i felt, a little overly dramatic, but as usual, the music was fantastic, and we end the service every year by singing Silent Night as we light our candles. my favorite part.

another part of our christmas tradition is the mad dash from church at the end of the service to the ferry boat. we almost always *just* make it onto a ferry that's leaving, and we love that it works out that way. our drive across the peninsula was filled with great conversation about some different religions we've been learning about. i love how my husband can get into the stuff that i find so interesting, and really give me a good run for my money in conversation.

we arrived at the farm to find my parents and grandparents nearly waiting for us. set the table, enjoyed our traditional cold smoked turkey, homemade cranberry relish, and all the usual trappings. i love our christmas eve dinner. after dinner, we clean up and gravitate towards the christmas tree. and inevitably, grampa always says (teasingly) "well, i'm beat. maybe we should wait until morning to open presents." this year, he shouts, from the table as mom & grama are cleaning up in the kitchen "preeeeeeeseeeeeeeeeents." and i looked at him and said "you sure you don't want to wait until morning? it's past your bedtime." he just giggled.

opening gifts was fun. full of surprises. mom & bob revealed to me the plans for this weekend, in two parts: a cd labeled "play me first" and an envelope labeled "open me second". they're sending us to Portland to see Mama Mia!, which i missed when it came to seattle {the cd gave that way, featuring ABBA's very own "Mama Mia"). mom knew how much i wanted to see it, so they got us FANTASTIC tickets at the Keller Auditorium, and are sending us out to dinner, and putting us up for the night at the Oxford Suites hotel!! we're so excited!!

matt bought me some scrapbooking stuff - he's so good. a new set of MM foam stamps and a new set of MM magnetic stamps, plus a new Colorbok Perfect album. he received three gorgeous golf clubs from my parents, which thrilled him to no end, and some books, cds and a game from me. my grandparents bought us two tickets to the 5th Avenue theatre, and are letting us choose the show. we're struggling to choose between The Wedding Singer and Pippin' (or at least i'm struggling).

late to bed saturday night, of course, and we were up early sunday morning, thanks to a power outage that turned the CD player on, super loud, when the power came back on. stockings were opened - more scrapbooking stuff for me (again, he's SO good!) and miscellaneous goodies and golf accessories for matt. mom & bob have apparently started a new tradition. i thought stockings would end when we got married, and they pretty much did, but this year, there was a big "santa bag" under the tree for us. lots of odds and ends, snacks, car washing accessories, some super-expensive soaps i love, etc. a great way to make the fun of opening gifts last a little longer...

we enjoyed a nice long breakfast with my grandparents - a fritatta, which was absolutely delicious, and then packed up to head out to my dad's. things were leisurely there - we're all struggling a bit to "feel" christmas. the 5 of us opened presents - a few scrapbooking books i've wanted, plus a new paper cutter and a hand drill for me, a few video games, books and a movie for matt, and a beautiful wreath from my step-sister for us both. and the secret project i've been working on for the last few weeks was a hit: an album for my dad, filled with photos of my grandfather over the years. dad looked through it twice as he opened it, and twice more on monday morning. he said he couldn't look at the last few pages, as he grew misty-eyed by then. my goal, in that gift, was to give him something he could share with my grandfather, talking through the memories, that could become something he could cherish after my grandfather passes away. apparently, i succeeded.

{dad, opening his album.}

after presents, we drove out to my grandmother's house for dinner. nice, low-key, relaxing. we got to watch my cousin, tim open his presents - mostly Jeff Gordon stuff, with whom he is fascinated (because they share the same last name.)

the rest of the evening, and most of monday was spent at my dad's house, hanging around. i like it this way. we packed up and headed out, to be on a 3pm boat home. it was nice to be home. as much as i love the season, and didn't want it to end, today i feel ready for it. i'm ready for the new year. ready to clean and organize and put away all of our christmas decorations.

my favorite picture from the whole weekend is nothing special, it just touches my heart. matt, on the floor with our neice kassidy, who's scooting, near crawling:

{i think she likes him.}

a quick hello...

and a belated merry christmas. we've just returned from a long weekend, and while matt has the whole week off, i return to the office tomorrow, when i'd rather be curled up on the couch with one of the delicious new scrapbooking books i received.

christmas was nice, but as always, i'm suffering from that post-holiday slump, when my inner child hangs onto every last bit of christmas, singing still to christmas songs on the radio, and refusing to take down the tree for at least two more weeks. (or so.)

i've just finished separating out our goodies, his to his office, mine to mine. hopefully i'll find a way to put away all of my new toys, preferably before my best friend comes over friday for the twice-annual (ok, quarterly) reorganization of my scrap room.but for now, i'm feeling under the weather, and working hard to find the energy to make dinner, and of course, to find something about the coming of spring to look forward to... blech.

lots to tell you all about, but not until later.

2 1/2 more days...

hmmm, wednesday. what to post, what to post...

i'm reading this fantastic book on world religions. i'm fascinated by the belief systems of different religions and such (even though my own beliefs are firmly rooted in Christianity), so this has been a fun read. i'm getting a "tour" of LDS, Jehovah's Witnesses, Islam, Judaism, and i think we'll be covering Buddhism too. really cool, really informative. while the book is biased towards Christianity, the authors are working very hard to be fair to each of the faiths they cover, and i think they're doing a good job.

we're just about done shopping for our Christmas family. every year, at work, we adopt a family via the Salvation Army and contribute to buy them a grocery gift card, and gifts for every family member. my friend jenny coordinates the effort, and i usually get to help with the shopping. the wants and needs of this year's family was very different from families we've served in years past, but taking care of them has been just as fun as ever. today, we get to wrap the gifts we bought for the parents, but we include wrapping paper so the parents can wrap the gifts for the kids. i love doing this, but every year, i wish i could be a fly on their wall on Christmas morning.

that's it for me today, i guess...

my mother is up to something... this morning she asked if we had plans for new year's weekend, and when i said no, she replied "well, then, if you'll trust me, you have plans."

soooo. she won't tell me anything more, but i've managed to get out of her that this is for my birthday, that's it's just matt & i going, not a family thing, and that we'll be gone saturday & sunday... i'm very excited, though i have no clue what i'm excited about... i have some theories, but because she and bob are planning it, there's no point in even trying to guess!!

so, stay tuned...

only three...

shopping days left before Christmas! (i don't count Christmas Eve, because we celebrate with half of our family that day, so i don't have time to shop!)

i'm glad we're down to the last bits of preparation. here's what's left on my to-do list:
1. bake magic bars for Christmas Eve dinner. a family tradition.

2. make no-bakes for my dad. (daddy, if you're reading, forget i said that.) also a tradition. this man doesn't want gifts, just his favorite cookie.

3. buy a few things for, and then finish, a handmade gift...

4. make a sugar cookie christmas tree for fun, and dip pretzels for my step-siblings.

5. buy one more gift, which is technically on matt's to-do list, but i can't help leaving it on mine until the gift actually is in our possession. i'm anal that way.

6. wrap the very few gifts i have left...

7. pick up the rest of my nativity scene from the pottery painting place. i can't wait! this is a project that's been 2 years in the making, mostly because i'd find the painted half of the set, and have lost the unpainted half... and then i'd find the unpainted half, but misplace the painted half. finally, i got both halves in the same room at once, painted the remaining half, and from now on, they'll go in the same bloody box!

so, what's left on your to-do list??

a quick note...

it's going to be a busy week, so i'll jump in to say hi as much as i can, but i may be scarce...

my bestest girlfriend in the whole wide world is home from school for christmas, for a whole MONTH and i'm thrilled. no, i don't get her all to myself, but i suppose i can share. tonight, we're going shopping, and friday, we'll be baking all day. so excited.

tomorrow, matt's taking me to a nursery up north a bit that totally decks out for the holidays and is quite the spectacle. i've always wanted to go, and never got around to it.

wednesday, i'm doing my annual last-minute-shopping trip with my mom - one of my favorite events of the season. i don't have any shopping left, it's just a great excuse to hang out with her at some place other than our office!

thursday is my only chance to finish my only home-made christmas gift (other than the baking), and i'm really looking forward to it. love the project, wish i could post pictures now, but it'll have to wait until after christmas due to lurking eyes...

i have friday & monday off, and then next friday & monday off, and then the following friday off. how hard is it going to be to come back to work after my birthday for 5 days straight!?

if for some reason i don't post before the weekend:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the weekend has been lovely. mostly relaxing, with a touch of activity, and lots of productivity. just the way i like it.

saturday, i ran a few errands, putzed around, and then helped matt at the church, in preparation to be on time to a christmas party, hosted by my best friend's parents. she made it home in time for the party, as a surprise to her mom, by the skin of her teeth, and it took quite a bit of creative ride-wrangling to get her from the airport to her house without her mother getting suspicious.
but it worked, her mom was totally surprised, and the party was so fun. didn't get into bed until after midnight!

this morning we got up and went to church, and then took advantage of the long, free afternoon. i baked, scrapbooked, cleaned, and cooked. but it felt good to relax!

recurring dream...

i have this recurring dream. while the scenery changes a bit each time, it's basically the same concept, same people, same setting. and it always feels so life-like when i'm sleeping that i don't think to wake myself up from it.

i'm sitting in our highschool auditorium, during our musical theatre production. i'm in the audience. and it occurs to me that they're starting *my* song - the one i'm supposed to sing. i've missed my cue.

so i get up, pretending it's part of the act, and i head for the stage as i start singing... but i don't know all the words. it's not like i've forgotten them, it's like i never bothered to learn them. so the spotlight is on me. i'm wearing a black dress, in costume, and it occurs to me that i'm not singing all that well... i'm kind of in my 'singing along to the radio' voice, certainly not my performance voice.

this happens a few times in the dream. different songs, or different shows, but each time, i miss my cue and i feel embarrassed when the song starts without me. and then i try to catch up by heading for the stage, the spotlight hits me and i sing, but i don't know the words.

i'm sure you could spend some time philosophizing about the meaning of this dream. perhaps my subconscious feels like i have no idea what i'm doing in life, that i'm missing the point. or maybe i just miss musical theatre. hahaha. it's hard to say.

the other weird dream i had last night was somewhat related. somewhat.

i'm back in highschool, and a friend of mine - john - has just broken his mom's clothes washer by immersing it in water or something... (how? i dunno!) so they replace it, and as one would expect, she's rather flustered by the amount of money it costs for a new washer. but then, i'm alone, standing at the edge of a pond, and the new washer is in the back of their station-wagon (again, how? i dunno!) and it falls on me, pushing me into the water and catching on my foot. it's falling to the bottom of the pond, and taking me with it, and it's all i can do to get my cell phone to work. i call john and while trying to get him to understand what's happening, that i need help, all i can say is "pond. pond."

i really have no idea where this one came from. it was weird to have john suddenly pop up in a dream - i haven't seen him since the day of our highschool graduation, and except for the occasional updates i get from miscellaneous old friends i run into, i haven't heard much about him. his presence in my dream may have been spurred by the fact that i drove by his ex-girlfriend's grandparent's house last night and saw her car parked there, but what a strange jump.

ok, that's it for me. feel free to analyze my dreams or tell me i'm just flat out crazy. :)

'art' journal musings...

so i'm currently taking shimelle's 'journal your christmas' class, and i'm really enjoying the daily writing prompts.

but i am having issues in the 'art' portion of it. i really admire ali edwards, and i think it's killing me that she posts her entries on her blog. sure, i could just stop reading her blog for a while, but why deprive myself of basking in the glow of her talent??? but the truth is, my art isn't like hers. and i don't do so well in that free-form collagey style.

and so i'm not exactly happy with my journal. i'm trying to work past the feeling that my art is 'not good enough' - and embrace the mantra of 'there is no wrong way'... but it ain't happenin.

tangible proof that we are indeed ready for christmas:

and for you photography buffs who want to know, these photos were shot digital with an ISO of 400, using f4.8 and shutter speeds varying from 1 to 3 seconds.

brown paper packages tied up with string...

how often do you see those anymore? in an age of packing tape and priority mail boxes, so rarely do we see brown paper packaging at all, let alone secured with string.

on our way to coffee today, we passed a little old lady with two packages - both wrapped in brown paper and tied down with white string. and the lyrics of the classic Julie Andrews song flooded my memory.

and it made me happy.

in other news, i'm procrastinating. i'm trying to plan the first scrapbooking class for PaperZone, in january, and i'm struggling to get started...

if i had functional internet access from home, i would be sharing you pretty pictures of my christmas tree, but as it is, you're stuck with just a bunch of rambling.

i really have no terribly exciting news to report... did a bunch of shopping and errand-running this weekend, which went well, save for a minor nervous breakdown when i realized i had no idea what the heck i was doing in the golf aisle at G.I. Joe's. (thanks again, allie - you saved me from crying all over the stockboy!)

took matt out to the casino saturday night. we had such a great time. good food, a little roulette and slots. i love penny slots! no winnings to speak of, but it was a fun date, even if it did require an hour's driving time! sunday, we had some new friends over from church to watch the game. i love the seahawks and all, but i really would like a bit more drama in our games. if we just keep kicking butts, i'm going to grow tired of the game. there's no fun in a 41-3 win, (or a 47-0 win!). as it was, we spent more time watching the cats rough-and-tumble their way through the house than we did with our eyes on the t.v. "oh look. the seahawks scored another touchdown. oh, hey!! is that pepperoni?!"

other than that, i'm having a blast finishing up a few of the christmas projects i'm working on. i'm particularly proud of one of the gifts i'm making, but as the recipient stalks my blog, pictures will have to wait until after christmas.

our cards are signed, envelopes are addressed (mostly) and they will be mailbound today. thank goodness. that's always a project i threaten to complete early, and end up leaving until the very, very last minute... i like doing them, but i never know what to write other than some cheesy Hallmark greeting...

that's it for me!

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas...

the tree is up.

it's even decorated.

while there's evidence (more pine needles on the floor than i could shake a stick at) that the cats were climbing the tree prior to it's decoration, they have not yet brought it crashing down, nor can we see any indication that they have climbed it since being decorated.

there's a wreath hanging on my door.

gifts are wrapped, and under the tree, facing 16 days of culring-ribbon-torment by certain beasts of the feline variety.

and i'm beginning to stress out about the number of items to buy, things to bake, and functions to attend over the course of the next two and a half weeks.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas.

want to hear a confession? i paper-code my gifts. we attend three family events that include gift exchanges. to make life easier as we pack up gifts to attend each event, i've taken to wrapping the presents for each event in a coordinating paper: one for the gifts with matt's family; one for the gifts with my mom's family; one for the gifts with my dad's family; one for other gifts that don't have a designated 'event' but will be given during the season. this way, we don't have to worry about getting gifts mixed up or dropped into the wrong bags. i love this system, even if it is a little anal!! :)

girl is crafty...

an interesting conversation arose on the boards today when a gal mentioned that her neighbor referred to her as 'crafty' and that she wasn't sure she liked it. she asked the rest of us how we felt about being called 'crafty'.

i was surprised to learn that many of my cohorts don't like the term at all. many of them see their scrapbooking as NOT a craft, but an art. i find that funny, because woodworking is both a craft and an art, and yet neither term is more offensive than the other. the word "craft" does not always imply elmer's glue, sequins and pipe-cleaners. the word "craft" means that it's a learned and practiced skill. the word "art" is almost a more hippy-ish term, as i see it. after all - anything can be called art, and i've seen some really questionable "art". to avoid being categorized along with felted dryer-lint murals and erotically-shaped ash trays, i'd rather be in the craft category.

so, after some consideration, this is my take on it:

i don't mind being called 'crafty' at all. to me, it insinuates that i'm creative and capable. i'd hate to be one without the other.

while scrapbooking is my main focus, and is indeed art to me, i do a LOT more. i decorate my home myself, i make my own stuff most of the time. i knit, i crochet. i bead, i sew. i make!

my best friend used to tease me because i'd see something i liked and instead of buying it, i'd say "i could make that." (she stopped teasing when she picked up this habit too!!)

i like that i can see something i love and make it my own. no knitted toilet paper covers here, but yeah, i'm crafty!!

mojo, oh mojo, where hast thou gone...eth?

it's missing. officially missing. i was feeling good saturday morning, accomplished a little, but nothing stellar. sunday morning totally sucked. totally.

it seems like the slightest bit of interest in HOF has made my mojo go running for the hills. i have all these great ideas in my head, and none of them look great on paper. suddenly, i've been scrapping 8 1/2x11 so long, and enjoying it so much, that i can't scrap 12x12 to save my life. i've now made two attempts at what should be the easiest HOF assignment for me, and the first attempt was only slightly better than the second attempt.

and there's a clock in my head that won't stop ticking. turn that thing off, darnit.

anyway... i volunteered for Choir of the Sound this weekend, a community choir i used to sing with, and with which my mom sings now. friday night, dress rehearsal, and saturday's first show, i spent learning the production - who solos when, where, who dances when, where, etc. at the second show, saturday night, i called the production for the video team - giving cues so they could have their cameras on the right people at the right time. that was fun - i got to wear a geeky headset and everything. i felt so ... legit. ;) sunday, one more show, i actually ran a camera. that was cool too. a different video company, and he was shorthanded for the weekend, so knowing that he had me available to call the show for him, he let me run one camera while he ran another. that was pretty cool too. both 'jobs' were a little stressful, but i really had a good time, and i liked it better than all the hassle of *being* on stage. (oh, and i got to wear jeans, instead of an evening gown or elf costume, etc) so, i'm now officially the COTS video girl. fun stuff, and a great excuse to spend the weekend with my mom.

it's snowing...

i'm feeling incredibly blessed today.

• i had a chance to get some things off my chest about an issue that's been bothering me. even though it's not resolved yet, i feel better just having gotten to talk to the offending individual.
  
• it's snowing. december 1st. snow. seattle. this never happens. {it's not sticking though.}
  
• my husband is so cute. i call him 'pumpkin' so about a week ago, he started calling me 'butternut'.
  
• it's december 1st.
  
• i get to have really great chinese food for lunch today.
  
• i get to plan really fun classes for a really great store.
  
• it's snowing.
  
• i get to program a really fun tool at work that i'm totally excited about, all in the name of practice.
  
• it's thursday - CSI night!
  
• three & a half weeks till Christmas!
  
• did i mention, it's snowing??

i just returned from an interview with the good folks at my local PaperZone and i'm pleased to announce that i now have a regular teaching gig!! i'll be teaching once, maybe twice, a month, which is the perfect amount of time for me right now. i'm so excited!!

there is an unexplainable kind of glee that accompanies successfully completion of a task that has puzzled you in the past.

i am building a toy.

and by toy, i mean that it's work related, and is so much fun that i feel guilty being allowed to work on it at work!

one of my goals this quarter is to strengthen some of my geek-abilities in preparation for testing our new product that is currently in development. i won't bore you with the details, but my bosses' attitude is that i should find a way to practice to better my skills - and build something. it doesn't matter what. it could be an online pet store. just build something.

so. i am building a toy.

i use a site well-known to many scrapbookers - those seeking publishing at least - to submit many of my projects to magazines. this online tool, however, has a few usability issues, and a few major bugs that can make using it very frustrating. i've always wanted to build my own tool, but knowing how it would stretch me to do so, i simply knew i didn't have the time for it.

well, now that i'm being told that i can build something, even if it isn't directly work-related, just to better myself, i finally have the time for it.

and oh boy am i having a blast.

even though i haven't technically gotten the project approved by my supervisors yet. shhh. don't tell on me. ;)

no drama allowed.

Thanks for calling the Familial Drama Reporting Station. The Drama Reporting Station is closed for the holiday season. No drama is allowed. Please call again after January 9th, when we will re-open for normal business hours.

so. very. cold.

i have no idea what the temperature is, but there was a thick coating of frost on the ground as i left for work at 7:20 this morning. as we rode through the city, you could see the same thick coating uniformly covering the tops of every house and building, making the city seem like a little display of porcelain 'snow village' houses. almost magical. except that, it's

so. very. cold.

it's a shame i have to walk to work in such "magic".

hope everyone had a lovely thanksgiving... matt & i got away, to my dad's for the weekend. we planned to come home saturday night, but changed our minds at the last minute, and stayed until sunday morning. dinner on thanksgiving was informal and brief, but a good opportunity to visit, albeit quickly, with family i don't get to see nearly enough.

friday, my stepmom & i braved the crowds to be at JoAnn's at 6:15am. 15 minutes after they opened, and it was an absolute zoo. i got a gorgeous $50 tree skirt for our christmas tree - i've never owned a real tree skirt, just a white sheet which vaguely resembles a "blanket" of snow... - for $16. and their open stock paper was 6 for 96 cents, so i stocked up on 8 1/2 x 11 DCWV cardstock. i love sales. also headed to target, for no particular reason and encountered two notebooks of my favorite kind. one has been altered for a publishing call (will post pics later) and the other has been altered for a christmas gift. i also made a trip to Scrapbook Zone in Silverdale, which was a fun little side venture for me. that's the only local scrapbook store that i'm aware of in my dad's neck of the woods, so i drop in every time i'm in town. they're pretty good at keeping the new, fun, hip stuff in stock, and they have a lovely collection of bazzill. bought stuff for my christmas cards, now finally getting excited about them. (it's about time.)

friday afternoon, matt & i trekked over to my grandmother's, quite literally over the river (okay, it's a pond) and through the woods. it was so nice to get to sit and visit with her. most of saturday was spent moving my grandfather & his wife into their new condo, closer to the hospital than where they'd been staying. i was so glad that the timing worked out that we could help with this. there were quite a few of us helping, so it went quickly.

the highlight, i think, of my weekend was discovering hundreds upon hundreds of 35mm slides that my grandmother gave to my dad to store. we viewed those that were in trays on the projector, and flipped through the rest, holding them up to the light. my grandfather always seemed to have a video camera in his hand when i was growing up, and when they came home from a trip, we would get to see much of their adventures on tape. the scenery, the locals, the freeway, the flora and fauna. apparently, this fascination with film was not acquired with the invention of the video camera. he's had this fascination for most of his life, and i have slides of scenery, locals, freeways, flora and fauna, dating back to 1958 to prove it.

our first mission was to weed out the inapplicable. so many pictures of cacti in arizona, the dog playing in the river, etc. we narrowed them down to photos of family, memorable events, and any photos that would help me "place" a group of images, for instance the "welcome" sign at the san diego zoo. we also took care to hang onto photos that were just really great pictures. grampa does have an eye for beauty. lots of pictures of moons, sunsets, sunrises, stunning snow scapes, glowing fall colors, impressive rock formations, etc.

last night, i spent a few hours sorting each event into it's own ziploc baggy, and noting the grouping on paper. tonight, i will go through them again to make sure every slide is in it's appropriate baggy, and that the date stamps on the slides roughly match the event. when i'm done with those, i have two smaller boxes stuffed full of slides that are not in trays. we've weeded through them already, but i've not yet sorted them into events, (thank goodness my grandmother was diligent in labeling the boxes) or designated them a label. finally, each slide will get a serial number ("anal, party of one? your table's ready!") and then i'll find some type of long-term storage system that will work for our family. last, i'm investigating the cost of scanning the slides, to preserve them digitally. this looks prohibitively expensive, so i'm hoping to acquire some parental financial backing. ;) hey, they're his slides too, right??

well, that's it for me, for now. hope you all had a smashing thanksgiving!

this was shared with the group on 2Peas this morning, from David Letterman's Top 10, November 20, 2001:

Top Ten Martha Stewart Thanksgiving Tips

10. To get turkey golden brown, use a high-grade shellac.
9. Buy a wreath at K-Mart and tell everyone you made it yourself.
8. Bite the head off of a live turkey.
7. So nobody gets drowsy after dinner, liven up the stuffing with half a can of Folgers Crystals.
6. Don't call the Butterball talk-line tonight, you may get a moron.
5. Tired of turkey? Roast a raccoon.
4. No time to bake homemade pies? Well then, you're a horrible, horrible person.
3. Decorate your turkey with pinecones -- how do I come up with this crap?.
2. Get the family as drunk as possible, as early as possible.
1. To spice things up in the bedroom, dress up like pilgrims.

now don't get me wrong - i LOVE martha. but i can't resist a good David Letterman list. :)

a few years ago, i co-directed a christmas play with one of the choir-mom's at church. i handled the music, she handled the drama. i love this woman, she's terribly sweet, and her youngest daughter was one of the sweetest most well-behaved and dedicated students in the choir group.

as we wrote the production together, she really wanted to include the song "the little drummer boy" and i gently refused. as a bible student, i have this thing about biblical accuracy, and this song was not biblically accurate. since we strive for biblical accuracy in our church, i felt it would be inappropriate to include this song. i've maintained this position for years.

saturday, i was driving to the holiday open house and this song came on the christian radio station {they start early with the christmas music around here}. i went to change the channel, but decided against it. after all, it was being performed by jars of clay, one of my favorite groups. surely i could tolerate 3 minutes.

i knew the words. i knew the message, and yet, this one time listening through it, i was brought to tears. the words suddenly had new meaning to me. i want to share with you a few of the lyrics that particularly touched me, and you can read the rest here if you wish.

Little Baby (pa rum pum pum pum)
I am a poor boy too (pa rum pum pum pum)
I have no gift to bring (pa rum pum pum pum)
That's fit to give the King (pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum)

Shall I play for you (pa rum pum pum pum)
On my drum?

Mary nodded (pa rum pum pum pum)
The ox and lamb kept time (pa rum pum pum pum)
I played my drum for Him (pa rum pum pum pum)
I played my best for Him (pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum)...

suddenly, the message of the song was not about portraying the facts of what happened on that night, because let's face it - we don't have a whole ton of facts.

it's about something completely different. if you consider that Jesus told us all to be like children, then this song is especially powerful, because while wise men were bringing gold, incense and myrrh, this child, so humbly, recognized that he had nothing at all that was a worthy gift for such a King. so instead, he blessed the Baby with the gifts with which he himself had been blessed.

so i'm looking forward to finding a way this season to honor the humility of our little drummer boy, to honor our King with my gifts. maybe he wasn't really there to play for the Baby Christ, but the message of the song shows that his heart sure was in the right place.

finally friday...

i feel totally exhausted from this week. i haven't slept well at all this week - not enough, not well enough - and all i can say is T.G.I.F. so, today's entry will be in 'list form' for lack of the desire to consider flow and consistency in my words... yeah...

-tomorrow's the 'big' holiday open house, and i'm very excited... i really hope it goes well. i was starting to think i didn't have enough 'inventory' but it's only a 3-hour deal, so i'm guessing that what i have will be fine (if not too much... oh Lord, how i hope it's not too much...). i am totally, completely prepared, except that i need about 2 yards of silver ric-rac for one make-your-own set... i also need some brilliant ideas for the table set up... {got any?}

-one by one, i'm picking off the items on my christmas shopping list, and i'm thrilled.

-i need new shoes. i'm thinking a good pair of {water-proof} boots to get me through the winter, and a new pair of mary-jane style slip-ons, because mine look tired.

-the house really needs to be cleaned. it's getting embarrassing. and it must be done before thanksgiving, because i hate going away for the weekend and then coming home to a pig sty.

-missing: one red glove. and i refuse to buy a new pair, because i *know* that other glove is around the house, *somewhere* and it will drive me crazy knowing that there's a single glove lurking in the back of some long-neglected closet.

-i think i'm finally starting to lose weight. man, this is hard work. i'm getting comments, and suddenly, my coat feels too big... though i dunno why. my pants are still tight. *pout*

-i simply can not make it through this day without coffee.

so, i was introduced to this blogging game today. the idea is to google your first name, followed by the word "needs". the results are quite amusing. here's mine:

Kate Needs A Shave {I take offense at this.}

Kate Needs A Hand... {Ain't that the truth.}

Kate needs a priest; Kate needs to be hooked up; Kate needs to leave everyone alone; Kate needs to grow up; Kate needs to know why demons are taking over... {All from one site. These people apparently have very strong feelings about my needs...}

Kate needs to be exposed for everything evil she has done...Kate needs to be brought to her knees. {Again, strong feelings.}

Kate Needs Your Help {A lot of people seem to think I'm in need of help... Serious help...}

Kate Needs A Priest {Yeah, that seems to be a common theme...}

Venomous Kate Needs New Fangs. {Wow - didn't see THAT one coming... I like my current 'fangs' just fine, thank you!}

amusing, eh? try it with your own name... if you have a blog, post the results on yours and leave me a comment! if you don't have a blog, feel free to post the results in my comments section. :)

oh, and confession #12...

i like to plan parties, but when it comes time to *have* the party, i find that getting the house ready for company {by my standards anyway} is not worth the effort! and every time i plan a party, after the party's over, i look at my husband (or my best friend) and say "remind me about how much work this is next time i get such a 'grand' idea." but do they? ever? nope.

so now i want to host a caroling party for our young married's group at church sometime in december. can my house fit more than like 8 people comfortably? haha. no. am i probably going to get myself into this anyway? haha. probably.

but really, i just want an excuse to make the pretty invitations, and lyric sheets, and glass markers {for hot cocoa}, and blah, blah, blah.

update... sorta...

i don't have a whole lot to say today, {just watch, i bet this turns into a novel}, so pardon me while i ramble...

i have fallen hopelessly behind in the photo-a-day challenge. actually, not too terribly, but enough that i'm not even going to bother to *try* catching up - i'm just going to keep going. so, you're missing 11/9 and 11/10, but here's what i have after that:

{11/11 - good news: i've finally finished the *last* project for the open house on the 19th. bad news: this is what my desk looks like now. note the landslide of paper scraps on the right hand side...}



{11/12 - this is a typical saturday morning at our house... matt camped out in front of his video games. sometimes he trades in the video games for cartoons.}



{11/13 - he's such a good sport. i drug him out to our damp back yard for a photo shoot, as i needed some photos for my thanksgiving mini-album. love this one. got the idea for the chalk on the pavement from Cari. wanted to write "happy thanksgiving" but it was waaay too long.}

so, other things... i'm so ready for the open house this weekend. packaging is coming along nicely. i just need to finish packaging the make-your-own christmas card sets, and then price them, and it'll be done! still haven't *really* designed the table i'll be setting up on, mostly because i have no idea what to do for a table cloth... a white bedsheet i guess...

my grandfather's health is still turning for the worst, so if you could keep him in your prayers, i'd appreciate it. he's had a long, happy life, and he knows the Lord. i'm thankful for that much. i just hope his wife and my dad will be able to recover from his passing, when the time comes. and i really hope i'll have a chance to see him on a 'good day'. i really want him to have enough energy to take a picture with me...

confession #11

i'm not very good at keeping my own secrets. and for this reason, i should not be allowed to purchase christmas presents before 12/20.

as it is, i've already done most of our christmas shopping and i'm having a hard time keeping it all to myself. it's a good thing i haven't bought matt's gifts yet. i'll probably have to store them elsewhere.

photo-a-day challenge update

i know, i know - i'm slacking. here are a few, though i'm still behind in posting.

{friday, 11/4 - i tried so hard to make this shot work as well on camera as it did in my head, and i'm afraid i failed. love her sitting on those antique books though. she always likes to be on the highest surface of the room. took this standing on a wobbly dining room chair, to get a more interesting angle.}

{saturday, 11/5 - "pace e bene" or "peace and goodwill". my dear friend natalia brought this door blessing plaque to me from italy. it hangs over our front door. again, i struggled to achieve what i wanted in this photo - that's why there's two. i wish i could've included more of the door, but then the focus is not on the plaque, and it becomes too small to read. any suggestions??}

{sunday, 11/6 - unauthorized cat nap. these two are not allowed in our bedroom, so when given the opportunity - an open door - they dive in.}

{monday, 11/7 - i arrived in the office monday morning to find, much to my horror, that a week after halloween, we still had gobs of candy laying around. i call this photo "yes, still...".}

{tuesday, 11/8 - i realize this photo has absolutely no real photographic purpose. i was messing around on the way home one night (no worries, matt was driving) and had great fun watching the little light trails on the images. i like the squiggles. and yes - that blue & red orb is indeed the pepsi logo... one of the more out-of-place landmarks in seattle, since - near as i can tell - there is no pepsi building anywhere near the neon sign. i took advantage of the light it was pumping out.}

of marriage & football...

my in-laws are not exactly the disgustingly sweet romantic type. in fact, i don't think i've ever seen them kiss in front of 'us kids'. but having celebrated 26 years of marriage, i know they've had their rough spots, and have come out for the better, with a strong bond, and a loving marriage.

my father-in-law is an avid football fan, so, not being able to picture them as ooey-gooey lovers, i was impressed to hear that, while they were dating, she learned to like football as an excuse to spend time with him.

i've never liked football... never really understood it, never really cared. and then one day a few weeks ago, i sat down on the couch next to matt as he watched the seahawks, and a lightbulb went on. all of a sudden, i understood the game. {well, the basics anyway.}

so as we were planning our day on sunday, we decided that we'd stay home and watch the football game. and it clicked -

what a great way to spend some time together.

thanks, clarice. great idea.

boundaries...

they've been on my mind a lot lately.

are you good at setting boundaries? boundaries that protect you, boundaries that help you make your life what you want it to be - and keep your life from becoming what you don't want it to be?

i'm not.

but i'm learning, i guess. i just wish i could learn faster.

i have a huge problem with saying "no", and i suspect it's a learned behavior, because i know my mother had the same problem for many years. i get myself into too many things, many of which i am doing obligatorily, because i don't say "no" and i get burnt out. i've made myself sick doing this before. i've caused hours of anxiety, frustration, and even dischord in my home.

and yet, i still suck at saying "no".

the negative results of not being able to set boundaries have flooded my personal life, my social life, my extended-family life, and my church life. and more often than not, i feel guilty when i do set a boundary, even though i know in my heart that this boundary must be in place in order to preserve my - and my husband's - happiness and well-being.

i am a fiercely protective person. fiercely protective of my family, my friends, my husband. why am i not fiercely protective of myself? i suppose it has something to do with my rediculous need to be liked & accepted. i don't like it when people don't like me. i'm sensitive about that, and often i jump quickly to the conclusion that someone doesn't like me, or is upset with me, just because *their* mood is a little off. even worse, i hate the idea that someone might not like me, and might tell other people bad things about me. i lay awake in bed at night, picturing the conversation i'd have with the person who doesn't like me, or is upset with me, telling them exactly what i want to say. rehearsing. and then i'm confronted with the issue, and i can't do it. all of those things i had to say are gone.

so, boundaries... today, i'm trying to learn to say "no" without having to tack on an excuse. i *really* suck at that. when matt encounters something like this, i provide the wise counseling to "draw the boundary. if you don't, you'll only build resentment in your heart, you'll drive yourself to burnout, and you'll be miserable every second of it." but i'm all talk and no walk in this department, and i freely admit that. it's easier said than done.

photo-a-day challenge update

ok, i admitted right off the bat that i just don't have the time to download my photos and resize them and upload them and post them, yadda yadda yadda, every day, so i hope you'll forgive me for posting a fistful of photos every couple of days. :)

here we go:

{tuesday, 11/1 - the gorgeous sunset outside my office building. surrounding buildings just glowed in shades of gold.}

{wednesday, 11/2 - the pretty, pretty packaging i saw during our weekly trip to starbucks.}

{thursday, 11/3 - fall leaves. *love* this shot. i've been composing it in my head since last week.}

as promised...

pictures of my "costume".

{see, i'm cute - aren't i? ;) }

and just because i made myself laugh...

{my shadow falling on my desk (with horns on, of course)}

and we had our 5th Annual Pumpkin Carving Contest at work today, and since matt & i decided not to carve this year {why did we decide that, again??} i adopted one to welcome the trick-or-treaters i was goaded into answering the door for tonight...

{we call him "monobrow", but i suppose you can't see that part very well...}

in honor (or something like that) of halloween...

a few childhood memories... these came to me this morning as i was remembering halloween as a kid...

-my mom decided, when we were in 5th grade, to throw us a halloween party, instead of sending us trick-or-treating. we lived in a teeny tiny town in the middle of nowhere, and not only was it not very well lit, it got a little weirder every year. most moms dress up as a cat, or a witch or a... something simple... right? but no, my mom, and i suppose you would have to know her to fully appreciate this, rented a penguin costume. the kind where your face would be between the upper and lower portions of beak. i can still picture it. it might sound kinda silly, but i think my mom is one of the coolest moms ever.

-the year before, and quite possibly the reason my mother decided to throw us a party instead, we went trick-or-treating and came upon a home in which we knew an older gentleman lived. we rang the doorbell, and he was delighted to see us. but before he'd give us *any* candy, he *insisted* that we sing "Jesus Loves Me" for him... what were we to do? so we sang. and he gave us candy. yeah, we each got ONE piece of peppermint taffy, which had a christmas tree design in the middle of it. in october. know what that means? it was taffy from *last* christmas.

and finally, a list of the things i've been over the years:
-a {pink?} bunny rabbit (1st halloween, i'm pretty sure)
-a witch
-a cat
-a gypsy
-a graduate
-a pirate
-a bride
-a flapper
-a 50's girl - poodleskirt & all {2 years, it was so good}

i don't {technically} dress up anymore, but i do store a pair of red satin horns in my desk at work... while i hate what we teach our children when we let them dress up as axe murderers and goblins, i think the red horns are pretty harmless, and besides, i'm cute enough to get away with it. ;) sometimes i even bring out the matching tail.

maybe i'll post pictures later. :D

confessions...

-i love to shop in the baby section at target, because they have so many cute little outfits... i tell myself that i'm browsing for gifts for my neices and nephews, but really... i'm browsing for me.

-i actually like football.

-i'm a compulsive listmaker. i always have a to-do list that's a mile long, even though i never realistically expect to accomplish everything on it.

-having said to-do list makes me feel like i have a purpose, like i'm necessary.

-i actually have a list of the lists that i work off of.

-i feel called to be a pastor, but i dream about being a mother.

-i'm more amused than angered by the family conflicts i witness first hand in my husband's family.

-i work well under pressure, so i tell others that i procrastinate in order to do my best work, but really, i'm just lazy.

-i'm happy spending $4 for a high-maintenance coffee drink a la starbucks, but really, i'd prefer to drink folger's drip at home.

-on mars, a day is 24 hours and 40 minutes long, and so they don't call it a day, they call it a "sol". i wish i lived there. i could use the extra 40 minutes.

there's nothing like a productive weekend...

the truth is that productivity makes me feel good. it makes me feel like i've accomplished things. it doesn't matter WHAT i accomplish, if i had a list and i crossed stuff off it, then i feel good.

i'm a HUGE listmaker.

i have lists of my lists. no, i'm not kidding.

anyway, my to-do list took a SERIOUS hit this weekend. :D i ran errands; i went shopping; i totally pumped out 6 layouts - all of which i am CRAZY about - for a call that i even got them scanned and submitted to in time; i did chores; i did homework (and finished my class w/ a 90%); i cooked; i helped matt organize the garage; i cleaned; i went to a stamp camp (and bought stamps); i went to the scrapbook store (and bought scrapbook supplies. hahaha.).

anyway, i feel good. i feel like i accomplished something. and like i don't have a ginormous to-do list awaiting me when i get home.

and next weekend is the CK convention... i'm SO excited!

nothing special...

not much happening today... today is "coffee day" at work - on wednesday mornings, my mom and i always go with our friend dave to get a cup of coffee from one of the local places. (my mother is a very regimented, self-controlled woman... which is why wednesday morning is coffee day. period.) today, i had the *best* mocha ever from a very ritzy place that's just a few blocks away... (so ritzy, they don't serve drip, and they only serve short & tall... kinda too ritzy for my tastes.)

forgot to mention earlier this week that i accomplished all of my canning on saturday. it was a long process, peeling, coring, chopping 18 lbs of apples, and then making the assorted yummies and processing the jars... but it was a huge success. now i just have to find a place to store the 8 quarts of apple pie filling, 3 pints of apple butter, and 3 pints of applesauce... i really should've considered that PRIOR to this project. oh well. :)

tonight, we're having some friends over for dinner, which i'm quite excited about, namely because i get a baby-fix of their 21 month old sweetpea. anyway, last night (and the night before) was a whirlwind of chores because i've kinda let the housecleaning slip in the last few weeks. (can't believe i'm admitting that to the general public... my MOTHER could be reading this!)

reading more in my text book for class, and really, really enjoying what i'm learning... came across a really great quote yesterday: "For the most part, the function of the [pastor] is to comfort the disturbed, and to disturb the comfortable." I suppose that's another day, another post, but I'm behind this concept 100%. (...prepare to be disturbed... just kidding.) ;)

ok, that's it for me. over & out.

my dad is the greatest. he is my second biggest fan (matt being my first, of course) and has supported {almost} every idea i've ever had.

last night, we talked on the phone and he mentioned how he's been trying to tell his dad - my grandfather, who's sick - that he wants to have some pictures of them taken together... this came up after i emailed my grandfather and asked him if i could "practice" on him and his wife, by taking them to a local park for a photo shoot. grampa shared that with my dad, and my dad is all over the idea.

i'm pretty sure my love of photography came from my dad. i was often the subject of his own practice shots as a child, and have numerous really great photos of myself as a baby and toddler, because of his love for photography.

on my mom's side of the family, where i'm the only one who brings their camera to *every* event, to photograph other people, and other people's children, i'm pretty sure i have something of a reputation as the family paparazzi.

but in my dad's eyes, i'm the family historian, with a gift. i love that he sees my sometimes obnoxious habits as a treasure. i'm so excited about the kind of photos i could take of my own family together. i have thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head and can't wait to share them with him, and i can't wait to produce memorable photos that really capture the personalities of my wonderful family.

i'm reading a great book right now for school, called The Handbook of Christian Counseling. my current class is focusing on - you guessed it - the pastor's role as a counselor. counseling has always been a subject of interest for me, and when i pray about my future ministry, i pray that counseling will be a large part of it.

anyway, this book is great. it doesn't cover as much of the psychological side of counseling, it covers the hows and whys of counseling, showing you how to relate to your counselees, teaching you how to protect your integrity and blamelessness (which, as a Christian, a pastor, and a wife, is extremely important), etc. and that's just the first chapter.

my other materials for this class don't arrive until thursday, and i might very well be done with the text before they do! anyway, if you have any interest in counseling as a Christian, i'd highly recommend checking out this book.

i have butterflies.

and no real immediate reason for it. and while i can't talk about all of the "gorey" details, i can tell you that i feel like something big's coming down the pipe... i hoping for it, pushing for it, and Lord knows i'm praying for it. and so inside, i feel anxious. anxious to know more, to have answers, to get this ball rolling. anxious to fell like i'm going somewhere.

oh boy. pray for the Lord to give me peace, if you wouldn't mind. i could use a little... ok, a lot... right now.

sick again...

i'm ill again - not sure what it is. seems to be that "thing" that's going around lately. crazy sore throat, headache, bit of a fever, overall feeling of blahness.

but inside, i'm burning up. not in a feverish kind of way, i'm on fire. in the last few weeks, i've felt my passion for ministry ignite again in ways it hasn't ignited in years. i've registered for the first class of my final year of Bible school (11 classes total to take this year...) and am beginning to consider a move into ministry. dunno how, dunno where. just trusting God.

18 lbs of apples and 4 dozen jars...

sounds like a country song.

anyway, that is the trappings of my weekend... albertson's had a killer sale on apples - buy one 3 lb. bag, get two free. one coupon per customer. i'm a customer. matt's a customer. we came home with 6 bags - 18 lbs.

they're threatening to take over my kitchen. thank goodness they're all in those lovely plastic netting bags, or there'd be no telling of the massacre.

so, i've never canned before. i've done a ton of research, bought a how-to cookbook, and have collected a few recipes that i love, and this week - and weekend, i'm sure, will be spent canning. we're looking at apple butter, apple pie filling, apple sauce, apple rings, and perhaps, apple cider. i might even pull out the old dehydrator too. mmmm.

i've been wanting to can for a long time, but couldn't justify the cost of the jars (yeah, yeah, they're reusable, i know, but still). anyway, i mentioned this to matt and he said "...did you ask my mother??". little did i know, my mother-in-law had a stash of unused canning jars that nearly rivals her mother's collection (which is impressive) in her shed. sure enough, all i had to do was ask, and i was quickly sent home with four dozen jars, and lid rings to fit.

so then, i'm looking for cheap labor to help me core these bad boys. come on over. we'll share some apple crisp when we're done. that is, if you can stand looking at another apple. ;)

today has been kind of a rough day at work - not because of work, but because of me. hormones or something, but i can cry at the drop of a hat, and can't stop thinking about junk food.

slept in this morning, instead of getting up for my walk, because i'd left my mp3 player at work and couldn't bear the thought of walking with a regular old walkman (i know, i know - i'm so lame). so this morning, i was definitely not feeling as good as i'd been feeling, and the hormones, etc, certainly didn't make things any easier.

after eating my lunch, feeling terribly unsatisfied, and thinking more about junk food, i decided to get up and go for a walk. with my mp3 player. i was out for just a few minutes longer than my usual morning walk, and let me tell you, i feel a hundred times better.

note to self: walking eases hormonal sensitivity.

now if i could just stop thinking about junk food... ;)

an all around good day...

• my grandfather was baptized yesterday - a gigantic moment in my family's legacy that can and should be counted among the Lord's many miracles
• we had a late sunday lunch with my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law and her little brood yesterday, where my sister informed me that she would be dedicating her children to the Lord this Sunday
• and if it didn't get any better than that, she told me today that she'll be dedicating herself to the Lord, by way of water baptism, this fall/winter
• my husband is in complete control of our finances, and i love not having this stress
• and he's cooking dinner
• which means i have to clean up, but at least he'll make sure the kitchen's clean before he starts cooking
• it's october and i just love fall
• i went for TWO walks today. TWO!!
• i got a new {old} mp3 player today {handmedown from my mommy} to accompany me on my {many} walks
• i picked out a pattern to make myself some comfy excercise pants, which will be so luxurious that i can sleep in them, which may ease the pain of getting out of bed on these cold mornings
• i bought a book today called "becoming" which is actually the entire new testament, published in "magazine" form... since i love mags, i thought this might be interesting, though some reviews have said that it's trivializing the word of God. i guess we'll see...
• i'm back on ebay, selling a few items for my mom, and also selling a few of my own pieces... they'll be listed tonight, so check them out.
• i think i'm going to scrapbook tonight.

it's been a while...

i've been down for the count monday, tuesday and part of wednesday, and am still recovering, so forgive me for not writing...

a little good news: my grandfather has decided to be baptized on sunday, of his own volition. this is huge. however, they have confirmation that the cancer is indeed pancreatic and that he's in stage 4, progression. at this point, it's untreatable, though radiation is an option. without radiation, they're estimating 4 weeks to 6 months. with radiation, they estimate that he'll have another 6 to 18 months. i don't yet know if he'll choose to go that route.

my biggest priority right now is the photo. before he goes, i need a photo of us together.

the results are in...

my grandfather is dying of pancreatic cancer. we don't know how long - the doctors gave an estimate of 4 weeks to 6 months, but i believe God has more say than they do. on the up-side, before he went in for his biopsy, he asked for the chaplain of the hospital. that's such a good sign.

over the last few weeks, knowing that he was sick and probably near the end, i've been struggling with this regret i have... he turned 70 a year and a half ago, and we had a huge party for him. that day, i wanted more than anything to ask him if he'd have a nice picture taken with me - just the two of us together. i don't have any pictures of me - grown up - with him. anyway, i chickened out, because i guess i felt silly.

today i feel different. i just hope i have time to get that one picture.

happy autumn!

i love this season. i'm so glad it's here. i feel like making butternut squash soup for dinner.

what a week it's been! emotionally taxing, and all around hectic...

i haven't posted about this yet, but i suppose it's time. about a week and a half ago, my dad called me to let me know that my grandfather and his wife, linda, were on their way home from montana, where they'd been travelling since late last spring. grampa had gotten very sick a few weeks prior and the doctors in montana had determined that it was lupus or cancer (the latter of which he's fought before). his doctor here in washington had told him to come home immediately.

let me state that i'm not afraid of death. and for the most part, i'm not afraid of losing loved ones, though the pain of losing my husband or my parents would be extremely difficult to bear. what i do fear is losing a loved one that doesn't know jesus. my grandfather has stepped foot into church twice in his life: once for my baptism when i was 17, and again for my aunt's memorial service when i was 18. his first marriage, to my grandmother, was performed in a post office in alaska, and his second marriage, to linda, was performed at the court house.

my dad tried to share his faith with my grandfather over the years, but never with any avail. i know he's stubborn, because it runs in my family, so prayer began. i prayed for him constantly, his health, but more importantly, his salvation being consistently right at the back of my mind. every other thought was about how we could get him saved before he went to meet jesus personally.

when they arrived home, the tests began. i'll spare the details, but the most recent findings include several nodules in his lungs and stomach, and a mass on his liver. now, they've determined that it's the early stages of lymphoma, or it's tuberculosis. the doctors are optimistic. but grampa is not. he told my dad very specifically that he feels as though this is the "end of the road" for him, and that he's not afraid to die, and that he just wants "everything made right" before he goes. dad and i had no idea what that meant, but it certainly stepped up our concern for him.

tuesday night, linda called to give dad some more details. dad told her that i'd been praying non-stop for him, and she, a former catholic school girl who has since been in a state of emotional rebellion, said "well, sunday morning we got up and went to church" and then told dad that they had gone a few times while in montana.

praise God. just when you think the situation is totally uncontrolled, He shows that He was there the whole time, and you just didn't notice. praise God.

so we don't really know where grampa stands right now, but we feel that this is evidence that God is working in his heart, and that his heart will be soft enough to listen to what we have to say. and, in a way, this is two birds with one stone: if linda is sure that grampa is going to heaven, then she'll want to do everything she can to get there.

my hope has been restored.

* * *

i suppose i should warn people before making marathon posts. but i'm going to keep going. consider this your warning. ;)

today is my nephew kayden's 3rd birthday. we celebrated with dinner at las margaritas, purely for the fact that every birthday-boy/girl/man/woman has to wear a sombrero and be sung to. evidence:

{kayden, not so sure about the sombrero}

back at mom & bob's house, we did presents...

{in awe, eyeing the oncoming stash}

{his first bike, from grama & grampa}

{no party is complete without cake}

well, that's it for now. :)

a phrase our pastor used years ago still rings in my ears today. "if you will obey, He will be faithful." i don't remember the scripture that day, or even the context. but he repeated the phrase multiple times during the sermon, and it really it home with me.

yesterday, i wrote about a step in faith that my husband and i took in regards to giving God control of our financial life.

today, i have praise to report. since we made the decision to put God in charge of *everything*, including our finances, we've seen numerous blessings. and it's only been two and a half days.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

we went to the bank saturday morning to apply for a loan to consolidate some of our credit card debt. i was positive they'd deny us - we don't have great credit, and we own nothing that we could use as collateral. they told us they'd call back within an hour.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

but they didn't. it wasn't until we took our first step in faith, acting in obedience, at church sunday morning, that we received the call to come in and sign our paperwork. the loan was the maximum percentage of our income that they loan out, and that's just enough to cover our higher interest cards at a lower interest rate.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

weeks ago, i was asked for a layout to be published in a spring edition of a scrapbooking magazine. i should've received the contract earlier, i'm sure, but i didn't. it wasn't until we took our first step in faith, acting in obedience, at church sunday morning, that the contract arrived in the mail {monday}, offering me about 4 times what i'd expected for this project.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

matt and i have been trying to pay off the little niggly debts - library fines, video store fines, etc, just to get them off our radar. a debt that i should've paid months ago, and didn't, was a rediculously large fine at the library. matt went in yesterday to pay off the bill, and because we took our first step in faith, acting in obedience to God, the woman at the counter had mercy on us and cut the fine in half. in half. she cut $40 off the total. {yeah, yeah, i know. kate, how did you EVER manage those kinds of fines?? don't ask.}

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

and we're not really sure how, but we've paid all of the bills due before payday, and we still have plenty of money left over.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

i always planned conservatively when budgeting, because i'm well aware that a budget looks good on paper, and isn't always 100% accurate in real life. but somehow, when God takes over, it's just the opposite. somehow, at the end of the pay period, we're not scraping the bottom of the barrel. we have enough to get by. and then some. we can make an early payment on our loan, or stash the extra in our savings account for an emergency.

it just goes to show: "if you will obey, He will be faithful."

10 Memories from My School Years

meme challenge #10...

i'll be focusing on elementary school, because that seems to be where my most interesting memories come from:

1. on the way to our bus stop one morning, my step-sister, alicia, ran as fast as she could to get there. normally we raced, but this morning, she just took off first. this meant that she was first in line. she got the best seat on the bus, etc, etc. so, about 15 feet from the bus stop, i picked up a rock - a piece of gravel - and flung it at her, hitting her square in the side of her head. i've never been so accurate.

2. in second grade, on a summer evening, we weren't tired at bedtime. since it was still light outside, we crawled out of our bunk beds, and read by the window, where we could very discreetly hold the curtain open just enough to allow enough light by which to read. for some reason or another, my mom came in and caught us reading, and took those two books away for two weeks!

3. i was quite the little entrepreneur in elementary school... in fact, i loved using my allowance to buy items {nothing token, just shaped erasers, stickers, colorful pencils and pens} from the school store, which was only open every other wednesday, which i could then sell at a markup on the playground. i mean, ya gotta pay for the convenience of having it available every day, right? ;)

4. we had a tetherball set up in our back yard and used to play regularly, though my step-sister played more than i. our dogs had a pen that spanned the length of the back yard, and was in plain sight of the tetherball pole. from watching us play, they learned to play, and would to amazing jumps and leaps and flips to hit that ball with their snouts. we lost many a tetherball to their puppy teeth.

5. my first day in first grade, a new city, a new school, just my mom and me. mom took me to school and said her goodbyes, and i cried. i didn't want to be alone with these strange people. but i got used to it, and warmed up to the teacher, who was male - i thought this was *very* strange, and the reading loft, which was *so* cool. wish i had a reading loft in my house!

6. in kindegarten, i had a crush on a boy named Joel, who had a silver caps on all of his lower teeth. he was terribly cute, or maybe it was just because when he flashed his toothy grin at you, it sparkled.

7. in fourth grade, my step-dad caught me chewing gum before breakfast, and made me stand in the corner.

8. i begged my parents to let me change my name to "jessica", inspired by the show "Saved By The Bell", {i'd go by "jessie" of course...} because my step-sister found a way to rhyme the word "bathroom" with "kathryn" {keeping in mind of course, that i wasn't "kate" until highschool}. i was gung ho on this until they started calling me "messy jessie"... to deter me, i'm sure. but still...

9. i wore a black leotard with a flannel plaid shirt over it. *shudder*

10. i paid about $40 of my own saved spending money to get a perm. i told the girl i wanted "waves" in my hair, but she used these things called "boomerangs" {really, i should've known} which are really skinny lengths of plastic tubing. my family called me "curly sue" for weeks.

matt and i took a huge step in faith this weekend, to act on a tug we felt in our hearts, a tug in the direction of trusting God with our resources, our finances. and so we acted on that yesterday. it has been the first time in years that i have openly declared to God that He is in charge of my life. no wonder i've been struggling so in the last year and a half with my faith. but this morning i feel different. i see the world through slightly more patient and compassionate eyes, and i'm reminded that i'm a work in progress... as is everyone around me.

on another note, i finished these this weekend, for a swap:

{how cute are these little guys??}

and speaking of cute little guys:

{fugue, my studio cat}

{grace-in-a-box, a cheap, lazy, but far cuter imitation of a 1980's children's toy.}

so there ya go. that was my weekend.

in remembrance...

a moment of silence for the lives lost on September 11, 2001...

we will never forget.

journaling challenge - week of 9/6

I remember vividly the day of the Ash Wednesday Earthquake, a 6.8 on the Richtor scale that shook Seattle and frightened many on February 28th, 2001. It was my first "big" quake, having only experienced a 3.0 a few years earlier. I was at work, wearing my cute new white-polka-dotted red rayon skirt and a white v-neck, sleeveless sweater. My hair was pulled back to the crown of my head. This was different from normal. I was dressed up, for no reason, other than feeling girly.

There was construction happening in the parking lot below our 8 story building, which sat on the very edge of Lake Union, so when the shaking began as a slight vibration, I assumed it was only a result of the work on the ground.

But the vibration turned to a shaking, somewhat violently, and the building swayed back and forth. One of our owners knew right away and yelled from her office "It's an earthquake - get down!!" I headed beneath my glass-topped desk, complete with a raised monitor platform, which in retrospect, wasn't the brightest move, but given that the foosball table was the next closest table, I really had very little choice.

Under my desk, I cowered, not sure what would happen next. I positioned myself so that I could see out into the "bullpen" area of our office. My neighbor, Jeff, sat in his leather chair, unsure of where to go, and after further encouragement from Rosemary, fled for a doorway, just moments before the bookshelf next to his desk came crashing down on top of his chair.

Then the shaking stopped. I could hardly believe what had happened and I prayed that it was over for good. As most of my co-workers, and myself, crawled out from doorways and tables, shaken and scared, others took action. We exited the building down the back stairs, moving as quickly as our shaking knees allowed, hoping to get out before an aftershock. Outside the building, we huddled around eachother, somber, eyes widened, until we were given instruction. We were told to go home. To relax. To be with our families. To come back tomorrow, when we'd clean up the office.

It wasn't anything like being in the heart of 9/11. It wasn't anything like the Tsunami that hit Southeast Asia. It certainly can't be compared to Hurricaine Katrina. But it was my very own brush with nature scorned, and it left me with a mild form of anxiety that would live in my gut for years to come. I hope I never, ever have to experience another disaster, natural or otherwise, as long as I live.

woes of being a responsible adult...

it has been no secret that matt and i are considering, in the long term, a move to the kitsap peninsula, for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which include a lower cost of living (about 80%) and higher-paying jobs. plus, with the uncleared acreage for sale, we could buy a piece of land and build our own house, which we really want to do.

but i guess it's always been comfortable as a "long term" goal. today, i feel low, mostly because the naval base is hiring, at a great rate of pay, and we're not really emotionally or physically ready to pick up and go. i know it's cheaper to live there, and we'd be making more money, and we feel called to live there - we're just not feeling called to go *right* now.

i just feel like if we don't go now, we'll lose out on the opportunity to go. the truth is that if God wants us there, He'll make the way. i'm just very uncomfortable with change right now. and i hate moving.

if i could be any age...

if i could be any age again, i'd choose to be 5.

• At 5, you're excited to go to school.
  
• At 5, you only go to school for half a day.
  
• At 5, you still have naptime.
  
• At 5, your biggest concern is that mom might make you eat peas with dinner.
  
• At 5, your hardest chore is making your bed.
  
• At 5, nobody looks at you funny if you ask for a PB&J sandwich for lunch.
  
• At 5, you're not concerned about your weight.
  
• At 5, you don't have to worry about getting enough exercise - playtime is always guaranteed.
  
• At 5, you really have very few responsibilities.
  
• At 5, you don't have to work at making friends.
  

what a weekend! i love long weekends, but this one was something else, a lot of good, a little not-so-good.

first, the good...

we kept our nephew friday & saturday night and had such a great time with him. he's at such a fun age. good manners, well behaved, totally sweet, but he asks "why?" about everything.

we took him swimming friday night and then out to dinner. saturday morning, we got up and made breakfast, then took him to a park near our house. i love this park - it's just so cool, and of course, i have a ton of photos to share with you...

this is my favorite thing about the park - a train scene.


{this is the train scene. in the vertical photo, you can see lines running forward - those are tracks. on the ground, closest to you, it points southbound "to seattle", and pointing towards the train, northbound, it point "to everett". how cool is that??}

i have a few fun page ideas rolling around in my head for this... the first is just a page about david... here are some of the photos i want to use:



the second idea is a layout titled "of bigs and littles" (as in big boys, and little boys, in case that wasn't obvious...)




and the third idea will somehow include the quote "i get by with a little help from my friends"... or something of the same effect... these photos:




love these photos. they're better in full size. can't wait to play with them.

anyway, saturday night, matt went to see bill engvall in concert. he had a great time, but that meant david & i were on our own. mostly, we hung out together, playing video games and such. sunday morning, we got up and returned him to his mom.

the not-so-fun stuff...

monday i was on call, for all 24 hours, due to the holiday. this meant that i had a pager strapped to my hip, and that nothing was planned that couldn't be dropped in a heartbeat, to run to aid a server in need. for the most part, nothing terrible happened. however, the stuff that did happen was stuff that i mostly was not able to handle for some reason or another (over my head, or i simply didn't have that much power on our machines) and thus, the pager left me feeling woefully ignorant for most of the day. thankfully, i got to turn it off at 11pm last night, and i've never slept better.

in return for being on call yesterday, i get another day off, which i'll take tomorrow. sounds quite lovely - i really want some time to myself to play with my toys!

ok, it's a little cheesy...

after my post the other day about the onslaught of fall, i decided it was time for a layout! and since the title of my blog entry firmly inserted the song by the same name into my poor head for days, i decided that the lyrics needed to be re-written to suit the current theme.

so... here we go:

{to the tune of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year}

It's the most wonderful time of the year.
With the leaves turning colors,
and clothes getting warmer,
I think it's quite clear:
It's the most wonderful time of the year.

There'll be yellow school busses,
and kids making fusses and
school shopping, give up the dough!
there'll be much cooler weather and
dinners together of soups and stews
served in a bowl.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.
The leaves will be falling
and friends will be calling,
you out of the drear!
It's the most wonderful time of the year!

yep, i'm a biiiig cheeseball. and you can *bet* this will be appearing in a layout soon. ;)

{copyright kate thaete, 2005. ... or whatever}

ten things i'm thankful for...

in the wake of tragedy, i'm counting a few of my blessings...

1. my husband, who loves me no matter what.
2. my family, who loves me and supports us and is always there.
3. matt's family, who loves matt and wants nothing but the best for him, and thinks i'm it.
4. a good job, that is there every day, consistently, putting food on the table and a roof over our heads.
5. matt's job, also there, every day, consistently, putting food on the table and a roof over our heads.
6. a Lord and Savior that walks beside me on the good days, and carries me on the bad.
7. free time to be myself, to discover new things, to enjoy my person.
8. a hobby about which i am so passionate.
9. a good education, and a good upbringing that gave me a good head on my shoulders.
10. my friends, who give me a break from the "real world" and give me the opportunity to be a kid again.

i just don't know how to help...

honestly, what i really want to do is drive to New Orleans just to hug every person i see and ask them to tell me their story. i want to listen. i want to hold their children. i want to dry their tears. i want to hear what they need to say, to help them come to grips with what's happened. to help them heal. but i can't. so i just pray. i know prayer is powerful: i've seen the effects in my own life. so i'll do what i know works the best. i'll pray.

it's the most wonderful time of the year...

ok, so bing wasn't singing about the back-to-school season - but i sure am!

i simply love this time of year. the air gets a little crisper, and i now need a coat to walk to the bus in the morning (and sometimes, an umbrella!). big yellow school busses start making their appearances, and sleepy-eyed kids stumble down the street to catch their ride each morning, already thinking forward to columbus day - their first school holiday. fall decorations fill my favorite craft stores, in palettes of red, orange, yellow and brown. clothing stores display warmer clothes in dark tones and thick wools and cottons, ready to bear the turning weather. i know that leaves will begin turning lovely shades of gold and crimson, and the fall holidays i enjoy are on their way. back-to-school sales litter the weekly circulars, and the smell of freshly sharpened pencils brings me back to my own days as a student.

back-to-school represents good things ahead: new challenges, learning new things, a fresh start, and most of all - for a kid, it represents another year older, just like a birthday does to an adult, but far, far more exciting. sometimes i miss being a student (and sometimes, i don't!) but each fall makes me long to go buy a new backpack, notebooks, pencils, pens and all of the other lovely supplies a student needs. not to mention the clothes. oh, how i miss buying a new wardrobe in time for the start of school, and then wearing your cutest outfit for your first day...

fantastic...

Princesses was fantastic. i don't know how else to describe it. just amazing. the music was {mostly} fun, the cast was awesome, the scenery was so detailed and exciting. in fact, a testament to how amazing this production was: matt is not a musical theatre fan. 99% of the time, he goes simply to humor me. when we got to the theatre last night, he was very, very tired, and in bad need of a nap. i decided that if he started to snooze as soon as the lights went down, i wouldn't be upset.

i was so wrong. he was wide awake from the first number, and he was laughing, and enjoying himself through the whole production, all two & a half hours of it. that's how good it was!

so, a little synopsis: a girl is shipped off to boarding school by her always-unavailable movie-star dad. feeling guilty, he comes to spend some "quality time" with her, and finds the girls preparing to perform A Little Princess. he volunteers to direct it, and play Captain Crewe, the little princess's father. of course, by opening night, something "more important" has come up, so he has to rush off, and leave them stranded. our protagonist is angry, and decides to quit, but her friends show her that she's just like her dad. determined to be anything but her father, she stays, and they pull off the production of A Little Princess. throughout the first act of the show, we see rehearsal of the early scenes of the play, so the later scenes of the final act are just the last few scenes of the play, in full. the writers did an amazing job of telling the *whole* story of A Little Princess, while still maintaining focus on the plot of the show itself.

so fun. i want to see it again.

oh, and i forgot to mention...

we "exchanged" anniversary gifts on our trip {read: we told eachother what we got, because neither of us actually had the gift with us}...

so, for our first anniversary - the paper anniversary:

i got matt a puzzle, custom made with a photo of us and a quote that says "When someone cares enough to love us in our perfectly imperfect form, they bless us with a rare kind of joy."

matt paid for me to go to four classes at the Washington CK Convention in October, and on top of that, made me a scrapbook page... how cute is he?? however, the page is still in the works, so i'll scan and upload when it's finished. :)

here in town, we have a theatre called 5th Avenue that performs musicals throughout the year. i love this theatre - they put on colorful, spectacular presentations. i was first acquainted with them in highschool when a guy i dated would take me to the shows, where his mom was usually in the chorus. i've seen a number of them over the years - Les Miserables (5th row, at that), Camelot, Titanic, Guys & Dolls (one of my favorites), A Chorus Line, Sound of Music, Kiss Me Kate, and a few others I know I'm forgetting. My parents recently saw Princesses and loved it, so when they acquired two more tickets, they gave them to Matt & I. So, this Wednesday, we'll be seeing another 5th Avenue production. I'm so excited!!