My Sunflower

I keep a journal of milestones and special moments with Boy, knowing full well that it might never be given to him, that he might leave our family, making my notes and thoughts moot, or at least, irrelevant. But, we decided a long time ago that we didn't want to not do things simply because a child might leave us, and have wasted months or years if a child does stay forever, so I journal to make note of the things I want him to know about his childhood when he grows up. And if that means I get "too attached" and my heart is smashed against the pavement, so be it.

This is yesterday's entry.

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In our garden, we're growing sunflowers. They're 6 feet tall now - maybe more - towering over everything else in the garden. But they weren't always that way. Together, you and I have monitored their growth almost daily, excited and trying to be patient. Some days, the changes were noticeable - new leaves, a wider stem, or a few more inches in height. Other days, there seemed to be no change at all. A few weeks ago, flower heads finally began to form at the very top; tight, little bunches of green fronds. For sure, we were close, I thought. And then - nothing. Days of nothing. It's easy to grow impatient.

But two days ago, we saw those green fronds give way and begin to curl back, revealing a tight bunch of yellow fronds - petals - and I thought for sure we'd have fully-bloomed sunflowers the next day.

I was wrong.

Instead, those thin petals are curling back out ever so slowly, one at a time, making me wonder if we'll ever have a full sunflower - let alone one on each of the 5, healthy plants.

You, little love, are a lot like this flower. We can watch you grow by leaps and bounds one month, and then see your growth stall out, even recede, as you struggle with your reality the next month. It hurts to watch you struggle and know there's not much we can do. And it's easy to grow impatient, or expect a sudden blossoming when in reality, we need to be satisfied with, and celebrate, the appearance of one, tiny petal. And most importantly, we do not lose hope. 

You are my sunflower, and God created you as such. Only He determines when you bloom.