this was shared with the group on 2Peas this morning, from David Letterman's Top 10, November 20, 2001:

Top Ten Martha Stewart Thanksgiving Tips

10. To get turkey golden brown, use a high-grade shellac.
9. Buy a wreath at K-Mart and tell everyone you made it yourself.
8. Bite the head off of a live turkey.
7. So nobody gets drowsy after dinner, liven up the stuffing with half a can of Folgers Crystals.
6. Don't call the Butterball talk-line tonight, you may get a moron.
5. Tired of turkey? Roast a raccoon.
4. No time to bake homemade pies? Well then, you're a horrible, horrible person.
3. Decorate your turkey with pinecones -- how do I come up with this crap?.
2. Get the family as drunk as possible, as early as possible.
1. To spice things up in the bedroom, dress up like pilgrims.

now don't get me wrong - i LOVE martha. but i can't resist a good David Letterman list. :)