boundaries...

they've been on my mind a lot lately.

are you good at setting boundaries? boundaries that protect you, boundaries that help you make your life what you want it to be - and keep your life from becoming what you don't want it to be?

i'm not.

but i'm learning, i guess. i just wish i could learn faster.

i have a huge problem with saying "no", and i suspect it's a learned behavior, because i know my mother had the same problem for many years. i get myself into too many things, many of which i am doing obligatorily, because i don't say "no" and i get burnt out. i've made myself sick doing this before. i've caused hours of anxiety, frustration, and even dischord in my home.

and yet, i still suck at saying "no".

the negative results of not being able to set boundaries have flooded my personal life, my social life, my extended-family life, and my church life. and more often than not, i feel guilty when i do set a boundary, even though i know in my heart that this boundary must be in place in order to preserve my - and my husband's - happiness and well-being.

i am a fiercely protective person. fiercely protective of my family, my friends, my husband. why am i not fiercely protective of myself? i suppose it has something to do with my rediculous need to be liked & accepted. i don't like it when people don't like me. i'm sensitive about that, and often i jump quickly to the conclusion that someone doesn't like me, or is upset with me, just because *their* mood is a little off. even worse, i hate the idea that someone might not like me, and might tell other people bad things about me. i lay awake in bed at night, picturing the conversation i'd have with the person who doesn't like me, or is upset with me, telling them exactly what i want to say. rehearsing. and then i'm confronted with the issue, and i can't do it. all of those things i had to say are gone.

so, boundaries... today, i'm trying to learn to say "no" without having to tack on an excuse. i *really* suck at that. when matt encounters something like this, i provide the wise counseling to "draw the boundary. if you don't, you'll only build resentment in your heart, you'll drive yourself to burnout, and you'll be miserable every second of it." but i'm all talk and no walk in this department, and i freely admit that. it's easier said than done.