matt woke with a fever of 103.5 at 3am yesterday morning. he called in sick to work, took a fistful of ibuprofen, and went back to bed. at 8am, i fed him more ibuprofen, and though the fever hadn't yet changed, it did come down a few hours later. but just a few hours later, it was back up - and higher. at 3:45, he called to say it was 104.4. i called the nearest doctor and arranged to take him in immediately. as i finished up at work, he called back, but was crying so hard he couldn't communicate. i called 911.

mom took me to the hospital, where we beat the ambulance by nearly 20 minutes. the emt's had noticed a bright rash on his right leg, and felt it was important to have checked. along with the fever, his blood sugar was out of control.

we were in emergency for a few hours. the surgeons drew around the outer edges and marked the interesting areas of his rash. he resembled my 3rd grade cartography project, so much so that i briefly considered labeling the "countries" on his shin with appropriate territory names. by 9pm, we had a room on the 17th floor, with - believe it or not - a gorgeous view of the city, lake union, gasworks park, and the freeway (which has a nearly-hypnotic quality when you're panicking about life situations). initial reviews of the rash lead the doctors to two prognoses: cellulitis - an infection in the fat layers - or necrotizing fascitis (sound familiar, grey's anatomy fans??) i cried - i had just seen a documentary on grey's anatomy and similar shows about how the cases they use are based on real - but rare - situations. i kept thinking that the stuff on tv isn't supposed to be real.

he went through an ultrasound, an xray, a ct scan at 3:30am, and then was moved to the critical care unit so that they could monitor his still-out-of-control blood sugar with an insulin drip, and have a better patient-to-nurse ratio. needless to say, i didn't sleep much.

in the ccu, we settled in and drifted off to sleep. within 20 minutes, they were there to move him out for an MRI. i've never seen so many medical procedures done on one patient in such a short period - not even on grey's.

i slept for the two hours he was in the MRI - drifting off between the beeps of the nearby monitors and awaking to the spinning wheels of heavy carts coming down the hall - in anticipation of his return.

despite having not hardly slept, i'm amazed at how awake i am and how quickly time does seem to pass. at 8:45, i left to save my illegally-parked car from a parking ticket, and returned to find three doctors, an intern and a nurse hovering around matt, discussing the situation.

praise the Lord - it is not nec. fasc. thank God. i just can't say it enough. i'm so thankful. before she went to bed last night, my mother warned me "in the dark, at night, when he's asleep and no one's around - do NOT let your mind go to 'that' place. just shut your eyes, and let yourself rest." but i couldn't help it - i was scared to death. so to hear from the doctors that they will not be operating and do not expect him to be in the hospital more than a few more days was a relief. i smiled real smiles - not the forced, polite, sad smiles i'd only been able to muster. we laughed and even joked. matt can eat now, and drink water, which he's been begging for since they cut him off at 10:30 last night, in preparation for the possibility of surgery. i'm still stressed out today, though resigned to not freaking out about the little things that are going to come up (uh, like the finances). i'm very tired, i need a shower, and good grief, i need out of these shoes.

so that's where i am today. where we are. if you're around and reading this, your prayers would be appreciated... maybe prayers for quick healing and strength to get through. i'm tired.