today has been kind of a rough day at work - not because of work, but because of me. hormones or something, but i can cry at the drop of a hat, and can't stop thinking about junk food.

slept in this morning, instead of getting up for my walk, because i'd left my mp3 player at work and couldn't bear the thought of walking with a regular old walkman (i know, i know - i'm so lame). so this morning, i was definitely not feeling as good as i'd been feeling, and the hormones, etc, certainly didn't make things any easier.

after eating my lunch, feeling terribly unsatisfied, and thinking more about junk food, i decided to get up and go for a walk. with my mp3 player. i was out for just a few minutes longer than my usual morning walk, and let me tell you, i feel a hundred times better.

note to self: walking eases hormonal sensitivity.

now if i could just stop thinking about junk food... ;)

an all around good day...

• my grandfather was baptized yesterday - a gigantic moment in my family's legacy that can and should be counted among the Lord's many miracles
• we had a late sunday lunch with my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law and her little brood yesterday, where my sister informed me that she would be dedicating her children to the Lord this Sunday
• and if it didn't get any better than that, she told me today that she'll be dedicating herself to the Lord, by way of water baptism, this fall/winter
• my husband is in complete control of our finances, and i love not having this stress
• and he's cooking dinner
• which means i have to clean up, but at least he'll make sure the kitchen's clean before he starts cooking
• it's october and i just love fall
• i went for TWO walks today. TWO!!
• i got a new {old} mp3 player today {handmedown from my mommy} to accompany me on my {many} walks
• i picked out a pattern to make myself some comfy excercise pants, which will be so luxurious that i can sleep in them, which may ease the pain of getting out of bed on these cold mornings
• i bought a book today called "becoming" which is actually the entire new testament, published in "magazine" form... since i love mags, i thought this might be interesting, though some reviews have said that it's trivializing the word of God. i guess we'll see...
• i'm back on ebay, selling a few items for my mom, and also selling a few of my own pieces... they'll be listed tonight, so check them out.
• i think i'm going to scrapbook tonight.

it's been a while...

i've been down for the count monday, tuesday and part of wednesday, and am still recovering, so forgive me for not writing...

a little good news: my grandfather has decided to be baptized on sunday, of his own volition. this is huge. however, they have confirmation that the cancer is indeed pancreatic and that he's in stage 4, progression. at this point, it's untreatable, though radiation is an option. without radiation, they're estimating 4 weeks to 6 months. with radiation, they estimate that he'll have another 6 to 18 months. i don't yet know if he'll choose to go that route.

my biggest priority right now is the photo. before he goes, i need a photo of us together.

the results are in...

my grandfather is dying of pancreatic cancer. we don't know how long - the doctors gave an estimate of 4 weeks to 6 months, but i believe God has more say than they do. on the up-side, before he went in for his biopsy, he asked for the chaplain of the hospital. that's such a good sign.

over the last few weeks, knowing that he was sick and probably near the end, i've been struggling with this regret i have... he turned 70 a year and a half ago, and we had a huge party for him. that day, i wanted more than anything to ask him if he'd have a nice picture taken with me - just the two of us together. i don't have any pictures of me - grown up - with him. anyway, i chickened out, because i guess i felt silly.

today i feel different. i just hope i have time to get that one picture.

happy autumn!

i love this season. i'm so glad it's here. i feel like making butternut squash soup for dinner.

what a week it's been! emotionally taxing, and all around hectic...

i haven't posted about this yet, but i suppose it's time. about a week and a half ago, my dad called me to let me know that my grandfather and his wife, linda, were on their way home from montana, where they'd been travelling since late last spring. grampa had gotten very sick a few weeks prior and the doctors in montana had determined that it was lupus or cancer (the latter of which he's fought before). his doctor here in washington had told him to come home immediately.

let me state that i'm not afraid of death. and for the most part, i'm not afraid of losing loved ones, though the pain of losing my husband or my parents would be extremely difficult to bear. what i do fear is losing a loved one that doesn't know jesus. my grandfather has stepped foot into church twice in his life: once for my baptism when i was 17, and again for my aunt's memorial service when i was 18. his first marriage, to my grandmother, was performed in a post office in alaska, and his second marriage, to linda, was performed at the court house.

my dad tried to share his faith with my grandfather over the years, but never with any avail. i know he's stubborn, because it runs in my family, so prayer began. i prayed for him constantly, his health, but more importantly, his salvation being consistently right at the back of my mind. every other thought was about how we could get him saved before he went to meet jesus personally.

when they arrived home, the tests began. i'll spare the details, but the most recent findings include several nodules in his lungs and stomach, and a mass on his liver. now, they've determined that it's the early stages of lymphoma, or it's tuberculosis. the doctors are optimistic. but grampa is not. he told my dad very specifically that he feels as though this is the "end of the road" for him, and that he's not afraid to die, and that he just wants "everything made right" before he goes. dad and i had no idea what that meant, but it certainly stepped up our concern for him.

tuesday night, linda called to give dad some more details. dad told her that i'd been praying non-stop for him, and she, a former catholic school girl who has since been in a state of emotional rebellion, said "well, sunday morning we got up and went to church" and then told dad that they had gone a few times while in montana.

praise God. just when you think the situation is totally uncontrolled, He shows that He was there the whole time, and you just didn't notice. praise God.

so we don't really know where grampa stands right now, but we feel that this is evidence that God is working in his heart, and that his heart will be soft enough to listen to what we have to say. and, in a way, this is two birds with one stone: if linda is sure that grampa is going to heaven, then she'll want to do everything she can to get there.

my hope has been restored.

* * *

i suppose i should warn people before making marathon posts. but i'm going to keep going. consider this your warning. ;)

today is my nephew kayden's 3rd birthday. we celebrated with dinner at las margaritas, purely for the fact that every birthday-boy/girl/man/woman has to wear a sombrero and be sung to. evidence:

{kayden, not so sure about the sombrero}

back at mom & bob's house, we did presents...

{in awe, eyeing the oncoming stash}

{his first bike, from grama & grampa}

{no party is complete without cake}

well, that's it for now. :)

a phrase our pastor used years ago still rings in my ears today. "if you will obey, He will be faithful." i don't remember the scripture that day, or even the context. but he repeated the phrase multiple times during the sermon, and it really it home with me.

yesterday, i wrote about a step in faith that my husband and i took in regards to giving God control of our financial life.

today, i have praise to report. since we made the decision to put God in charge of *everything*, including our finances, we've seen numerous blessings. and it's only been two and a half days.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

we went to the bank saturday morning to apply for a loan to consolidate some of our credit card debt. i was positive they'd deny us - we don't have great credit, and we own nothing that we could use as collateral. they told us they'd call back within an hour.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

but they didn't. it wasn't until we took our first step in faith, acting in obedience, at church sunday morning, that we received the call to come in and sign our paperwork. the loan was the maximum percentage of our income that they loan out, and that's just enough to cover our higher interest cards at a lower interest rate.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

weeks ago, i was asked for a layout to be published in a spring edition of a scrapbooking magazine. i should've received the contract earlier, i'm sure, but i didn't. it wasn't until we took our first step in faith, acting in obedience, at church sunday morning, that the contract arrived in the mail {monday}, offering me about 4 times what i'd expected for this project.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

matt and i have been trying to pay off the little niggly debts - library fines, video store fines, etc, just to get them off our radar. a debt that i should've paid months ago, and didn't, was a rediculously large fine at the library. matt went in yesterday to pay off the bill, and because we took our first step in faith, acting in obedience to God, the woman at the counter had mercy on us and cut the fine in half. in half. she cut $40 off the total. {yeah, yeah, i know. kate, how did you EVER manage those kinds of fines?? don't ask.}

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

and we're not really sure how, but we've paid all of the bills due before payday, and we still have plenty of money left over.

"if you will obey, He will be faithful."

i always planned conservatively when budgeting, because i'm well aware that a budget looks good on paper, and isn't always 100% accurate in real life. but somehow, when God takes over, it's just the opposite. somehow, at the end of the pay period, we're not scraping the bottom of the barrel. we have enough to get by. and then some. we can make an early payment on our loan, or stash the extra in our savings account for an emergency.

it just goes to show: "if you will obey, He will be faithful."

10 Memories from My School Years

meme challenge #10...

i'll be focusing on elementary school, because that seems to be where my most interesting memories come from:

1. on the way to our bus stop one morning, my step-sister, alicia, ran as fast as she could to get there. normally we raced, but this morning, she just took off first. this meant that she was first in line. she got the best seat on the bus, etc, etc. so, about 15 feet from the bus stop, i picked up a rock - a piece of gravel - and flung it at her, hitting her square in the side of her head. i've never been so accurate.

2. in second grade, on a summer evening, we weren't tired at bedtime. since it was still light outside, we crawled out of our bunk beds, and read by the window, where we could very discreetly hold the curtain open just enough to allow enough light by which to read. for some reason or another, my mom came in and caught us reading, and took those two books away for two weeks!

3. i was quite the little entrepreneur in elementary school... in fact, i loved using my allowance to buy items {nothing token, just shaped erasers, stickers, colorful pencils and pens} from the school store, which was only open every other wednesday, which i could then sell at a markup on the playground. i mean, ya gotta pay for the convenience of having it available every day, right? ;)

4. we had a tetherball set up in our back yard and used to play regularly, though my step-sister played more than i. our dogs had a pen that spanned the length of the back yard, and was in plain sight of the tetherball pole. from watching us play, they learned to play, and would to amazing jumps and leaps and flips to hit that ball with their snouts. we lost many a tetherball to their puppy teeth.

5. my first day in first grade, a new city, a new school, just my mom and me. mom took me to school and said her goodbyes, and i cried. i didn't want to be alone with these strange people. but i got used to it, and warmed up to the teacher, who was male - i thought this was *very* strange, and the reading loft, which was *so* cool. wish i had a reading loft in my house!

6. in kindegarten, i had a crush on a boy named Joel, who had a silver caps on all of his lower teeth. he was terribly cute, or maybe it was just because when he flashed his toothy grin at you, it sparkled.

7. in fourth grade, my step-dad caught me chewing gum before breakfast, and made me stand in the corner.

8. i begged my parents to let me change my name to "jessica", inspired by the show "Saved By The Bell", {i'd go by "jessie" of course...} because my step-sister found a way to rhyme the word "bathroom" with "kathryn" {keeping in mind of course, that i wasn't "kate" until highschool}. i was gung ho on this until they started calling me "messy jessie"... to deter me, i'm sure. but still...

9. i wore a black leotard with a flannel plaid shirt over it. *shudder*

10. i paid about $40 of my own saved spending money to get a perm. i told the girl i wanted "waves" in my hair, but she used these things called "boomerangs" {really, i should've known} which are really skinny lengths of plastic tubing. my family called me "curly sue" for weeks.

matt and i took a huge step in faith this weekend, to act on a tug we felt in our hearts, a tug in the direction of trusting God with our resources, our finances. and so we acted on that yesterday. it has been the first time in years that i have openly declared to God that He is in charge of my life. no wonder i've been struggling so in the last year and a half with my faith. but this morning i feel different. i see the world through slightly more patient and compassionate eyes, and i'm reminded that i'm a work in progress... as is everyone around me.

on another note, i finished these this weekend, for a swap:

{how cute are these little guys??}

and speaking of cute little guys:

{fugue, my studio cat}

{grace-in-a-box, a cheap, lazy, but far cuter imitation of a 1980's children's toy.}

so there ya go. that was my weekend.

in remembrance...

a moment of silence for the lives lost on September 11, 2001...

we will never forget.

journaling challenge - week of 9/6

I remember vividly the day of the Ash Wednesday Earthquake, a 6.8 on the Richtor scale that shook Seattle and frightened many on February 28th, 2001. It was my first "big" quake, having only experienced a 3.0 a few years earlier. I was at work, wearing my cute new white-polka-dotted red rayon skirt and a white v-neck, sleeveless sweater. My hair was pulled back to the crown of my head. This was different from normal. I was dressed up, for no reason, other than feeling girly.

There was construction happening in the parking lot below our 8 story building, which sat on the very edge of Lake Union, so when the shaking began as a slight vibration, I assumed it was only a result of the work on the ground.

But the vibration turned to a shaking, somewhat violently, and the building swayed back and forth. One of our owners knew right away and yelled from her office "It's an earthquake - get down!!" I headed beneath my glass-topped desk, complete with a raised monitor platform, which in retrospect, wasn't the brightest move, but given that the foosball table was the next closest table, I really had very little choice.

Under my desk, I cowered, not sure what would happen next. I positioned myself so that I could see out into the "bullpen" area of our office. My neighbor, Jeff, sat in his leather chair, unsure of where to go, and after further encouragement from Rosemary, fled for a doorway, just moments before the bookshelf next to his desk came crashing down on top of his chair.

Then the shaking stopped. I could hardly believe what had happened and I prayed that it was over for good. As most of my co-workers, and myself, crawled out from doorways and tables, shaken and scared, others took action. We exited the building down the back stairs, moving as quickly as our shaking knees allowed, hoping to get out before an aftershock. Outside the building, we huddled around eachother, somber, eyes widened, until we were given instruction. We were told to go home. To relax. To be with our families. To come back tomorrow, when we'd clean up the office.

It wasn't anything like being in the heart of 9/11. It wasn't anything like the Tsunami that hit Southeast Asia. It certainly can't be compared to Hurricaine Katrina. But it was my very own brush with nature scorned, and it left me with a mild form of anxiety that would live in my gut for years to come. I hope I never, ever have to experience another disaster, natural or otherwise, as long as I live.