We're 2 weeks into Lent, and I'm learning. This has been the most challenging Lent season for me yet.
I gave up sleeping in.
That means that for the entire season (and probably continuing after Easter), I'm planning to rise an hour before my family. I've felt like my opportunity to read the bible, have a few moments of peace, and hear from Jesus has dwindled with the advent of Boy, and I sensed God's Spirit prompting me to rise at 6am to bring order to this chaotic part of my life.
I did not, however, realize how hard it would be. I've given up crazy hard things in the past. Coffee. Sugar. Soda. TV. And I've always been successful, because it seemed to me that giving up something for Jesus was just not an area where I could allow myself to fail. Yes, I do hear how that sounds. Which brings me right to what I'm learning:
Holy smokes, I'm prideful.
And oh my goodness, Lent is not supposed to be about me. It's supposed to be about Jesus and what He is doing in me when I cast off things that otherwise might entangle me.
And I am so very hard on myself.
I learned that last one on Tuesday, day 7 of Lent, when I had failed 5 times.
Yep, you heard me. We talked at our weekly staff meeting about Lent and I tearfully confessed that I had succeeded the first two days, and then fell prey to justification. I felt guilty and mad and sad and so very frustrated. I felt completely lacking of all self-control. I didn't understand why I had been so "successful" in previous Lenten fasts, but this year was so much harder.
Then it dawned on me. Lent is not about me. It's what Jesus is doing in me when I am obedient. Taking pride in my own spirituality (or whatever you want to call it) only makes me a Pharisee. Ouch.
So the staff encouraged me to have a do-over. And here I am nearly a week later saying that week 2 was an improvement, but not perfect. And I think I have to be okay with that. I'll let Jesus develop in me the necessary characteristics to "successfully" rise at 6am, cheerfully and diligently. For now, 4 out of 6 days shows progress.
I write this to tell you that if you're struggling with Lent, that's ok. I haven't got it all figured out. Obviously. Take a do-over. Make it less about you and more about Jesus. Accept progress.
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