We said goodbye to Miss A yesterday morning, and it's just now beginning to feel real.
The last 36 hours have been filled with preparations for a family wedding, so I have been too busy to dwell on the feelings. So many people asked me today "how I am" that I finally started to process.
The house feels empty. There is evidence of a little girl everywhere. A dollhouse in the living room. A pink cup on the bathroom counter. A random sticker stuck to the floor. Same sheets on the bed, which has obviously been "made" by a 3 year old. The dishwasher has kid dishes, kid cups and kid utensils. Her beloved "pack pack" still holds a pink water bottle, with water in it.
And a giant stack of library books on top of the piano remind me each time I pass that a child lives here; no, lived here.
My heart, like my house, also feels like a mess. And like my house, I can see what needs to be done. But I can't find the strength to do it, and I don't know where to begin anyway.
I need to clean, put things away, process through some crap, and get ready to start again.
But today I just keep waiting for her to come home.
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