Room for Boy

On the heels of completing our redesign of the kids rooms at church, I was feeling inspired and motivated (and had all sorts of free time), so I launched immediately into redecorating Boy's room.

We set up this room originally to be gender neutral for ages 2-5 (which you can see here). We were feeling lazy then, so we kept the paint color from the fresh coat it got when we bought the house in 2009. But neither of us ever loved that color; it was time to brighten it up.

We picked Behr's Appletini, after 8 paint chips, 3 sample cans,  and 2 mind-changes (and a whole lot of lobbying on my end). Matt wanted Rave Green, and while I vetoed, we actually ended up pretty close. While we were up to our elbows in drop cloths and fumes, we opted to remove the baseboard heater that has never worked, so we can get the room ready for real baseboard trim, which we've never had. (It's a fixer-upper. We've just learned to deal with it.)

The quilt was a bit part of the change. The original quilt had been made by my mom (and is still on the bed, under this new quilt), and is terribly cute, but too young for Boy. So, I picked the palette and drew inspiration from a quilt on Pinterest (you'll be seeing a lot of Pinterest in this post!). It's the best quilt I've ever created, and I'm very happy with it. The back has his name stretched across it - one 9" block for each letter, inspired by this. He thinks it's pretty special.

A few elements stayed from the previous room. The furniture, the little wooden shelves, blind and curtains, and I didn't touch the closet. And also, this cute pennant string because I'm oh-so-in-love with pennants and I couldn't bear to get rid of it.

Most of the woodland creature theme got packed up or repurposed throughout the house - because I am still in love with woodland creatures.

Of course the whole motivation was to give Boy a room that felt like his. We're not sure he's ever had his own room before, let alone one fresh and fun, so it seemed worth it. I needed to add a handful of funky details.

This sunshine is one of my new favorite techniques: foamcore board, cut to shape and wrapped with fabric. We found this technique via Pinterest, and used it in one of the rooms at church, and I was itching to do it again. This is the room that made me feel the need to include a sunshine!

I didn't want to go too heavily themed, just a few accents that reflected Boy's personality and favorites. This boy is all sunshine, so this seemed appropriate. (And he was pretty impressed with it.)

The lego clock was another adapted Pinterest idea, and I'm on the fence about how it turned out. But again, Boy loves it, so who cares!

 

These clouds are corkboard, cut to shape and painted, and the thumbtacks will give Boy a place to hang up the fun little pictures and cards he receives. The idea came from an Urban Outfitters product that I love but am entirely too cheap to pay for.

Yet another Pinterest idea, these are papier mache boxes, minus their lids, painted on the inside only, and adhered to the wall with 3M "velcro" strips. I love the 3M wall-hanging products - so great. I should probably buy stock...

Again, inspired by Pinterest. An inexpensive shadowbox frame, spraypainted within an inch of it's life, containing a collection of hotwheels I picked up between Value Village and Fred Meyer, mounted on brown paper.

Boy could not conceive of cars that were merely decorative, behind glass, inaccessible, and could not be removed from the surface to which they were glued. Don't read too much into that - it'll break your heart.

This was one of my main ideas for the room. It started as a grand scheme - a magnetic road that goes all the way around the room (thanks to this idea on Pinterest), and then I got realistic. I used a crazy precise method of taping and sealing the tape before painting, so it was rather intense, and that was just on the 6 foot stretch of wall I did do, so I'm glad I talked myself out of the crazy. This is 4 coats of magnetic paint (and the white was painted first, then taped off with little precisely-cut slivers of white tape), topped with one coat of black latex paint. The only way we could get the cars to stick was using two neodymium (rare earth) magnets on each car. Lots of trial and error here.

We also added a few crates, stacked, for books, and I made a very brightly colored cover for his beanbag chair. The lighting is too awkward for wider shots, so this is all you get. Thanks for looking!

February in Review

February seems to have been all about finding a our new normal with Boy.

*Lots of our free time went into making over Boy's room to be a bit more age appropriate. He got a new coat of paint and several fun additions that are more boy and more 7. Pictures to come later.
*Since all of our redesign stuff at the church was done, I felt a surge of creativity and felt ready to sew. I made Boy a new quilt for his bed.
*Boy's reading is growing leaps and bounds, and he's progressing well in math too. He came home at the beginning of the month with a great report card that showed encouraging progress since the beginning of the school year.
*Lots of appointments this month with different providers who will help us with Boy and his needs. Exhausting, but helpful.
*Dress shopping with my best friend! I wasn't there where Allie found the perfect dress for her June 1 wedding in Maui, but it was fun to be a part of the extensive search.
*I officially stepped out of my role as one of the primary teachers in our kids ministry. It feels new and different, but I'll focus less on teaching now and more on leading our team and connecting with families. Feeling a bit like a fish out of water, but I'll adjust - and I'll still get to sub so I won't miss out on all the fun.
*Did a little prep in the backyard to get ready for spring. Need to get into the front flower beds and weed!

Lent

We're 2 weeks into Lent, and I'm learning. This has been the most challenging Lent season for me yet.

I gave up sleeping in.

That means that for the entire season (and probably continuing after Easter), I'm planning to rise an hour before my family. I've felt like my opportunity to read the bible, have a few moments of peace, and hear from Jesus has dwindled with the advent of Boy, and I sensed God's Spirit prompting me to rise at 6am to bring order to this chaotic part of my life.

I did not, however, realize how hard it would be. I've given up crazy hard things in the past. Coffee. Sugar. Soda. TV. And I've always been successful, because it seemed to me that giving up something for Jesus was just not an area where I could allow myself to fail. Yes, I do hear how that sounds. Which brings me right to what I'm learning:

Holy smokes, I'm prideful.

And oh my goodness, Lent is not supposed to be about me. It's supposed to be about Jesus and what He is doing in me when I cast off things that otherwise might entangle me.

And I am so very hard on myself.

I learned that last one on Tuesday, day 7 of Lent, when I had failed 5 times.

Yep, you heard me. We talked at our weekly staff meeting about Lent and I tearfully confessed that I had succeeded the first two days, and then fell prey to justification. I felt guilty and mad and sad and so very frustrated. I felt completely lacking of all self-control. I didn't understand why I had been so "successful" in previous Lenten fasts, but this year was so much harder.

Then it dawned on me. Lent is not about me. It's what Jesus is doing in me when I am obedient. Taking pride in my own spirituality (or whatever you want to call it) only makes me a Pharisee. Ouch.

So the staff encouraged me to have a do-over. And here I am nearly a week later saying that week 2 was an improvement, but not perfect. And I think I have to be okay with that. I'll let Jesus develop in me the necessary characteristics to "successfully" rise at 6am, cheerfully and diligently. For now, 4 out of 6 days shows progress.

I write this to tell you that if you're struggling with Lent, that's ok. I haven't got it all figured out. Obviously. Take a do-over. Make it less about you and more about Jesus. Accept progress.

How This Foster Parent Feels About SleepCountryUSA Commercials

It wasn't the first time this topic of conversation arose. Tonight, Matt and I debated the local SleepCountryUSA commercials. And I say "debated" only because I tried really hard to play devil's advocate, but the truth is that I feel just as he does.

These commercials make me cringe.

You've probably heard them. They often use the line "Not everyone can be a foster parent, but everyone can help a foster child." My most-recently least favorite commercial talks about donating a pair of pajamas being like giving a child a "warm hug".

My discomfort with these commercials has far less to do with their efforts (I like helping foster kids, too) and much more to do with their methods. These tag lines inspire guilt, and guilt is a crappy motivator.

The part of me that cares about what other people think of me also hates the way these commercials make it sound like foster parents aren't providing for foster kids. Granted, there is a small percentage of kids who don't get placed with foster parents (about 9% of foster kids are in institutions, 6% in group homes, and 1% in supervised independent living), and I won't argue that these kids need all the help we can muster. But foster parents already get a bad rap for the occasional horror story that ends up in the newspaper. (And in case you weren't aware, those situations really are few and far between. Department of Child & Family Services does an excellent job of monitoring their foster families and overseeing the wellbeing of kids in their care.) So these commercials make it sound like neglected kids get put into foster care where they continue to be neglected. And for the vast majority of foster kids, that is just not the case. So I don't like the insinuations of these commercials.

Am I saying don't donate? No. Feel free.

Am I saying SleepCountry, or their efforts to help kids, is bad? Not at all.

Do I sound totally crotchety for feeling this way? Maybe. And I think I'm okay with that.

My point is this: if you're going to donate your time or money to a cause, don't let it be driven by commercials that inspire guilt. Give your resources to something you're passionate about. You'll do a greater good.

We live in an incredibly rich country. Even our poor are rich, compared to the rest of the world. And instead of dealing with our problems, Americans like to throw money at them and hope they'll go away. So let's not talk about all those problems that lead families to need the help of the Children's Administration, that places kids in foster care. Let's just give "warm hugs" to those kids. (Please detect my sarcasm.)

This is just our opinion. I'll even give you the grain of salt to go with it.

Dinner, Elbows, and other Grievances of Parenthood

So many completely ridiculous moments have happened in our family in the last week, I feel like I have a month's worth of blog fodder. Alas, I have promised myself that I will do nothing/as little as possible to humiliate my children online.

So I'll just share one of today's golden moments, which is more about me than him.

You see, I'm my mother's daughter. (I think I start a lot of posts this way?)

And regularly, I open my mouth and her voice comes out.

And table manners are one of my pet peeves, because they were so emphasized when I was a kid.

Today at the dinner table, I noticed Boy leaning on his elbows while he ate, which allowed him to bring his face down to his plate and thereby shorten the distance his fork must travel in order to successfully shovel each bite into his mouth. So I took his elbow and moved it off the table.

Immediately, I flashed back to my childhood, and told Matt that I just remembered that my mom used to flick my elbows with her fingers. (I'm probably not allowed to do that. And good thing too. No offense, Mom.)

After dinner, Matt informed me that my, shall we say, "emphasis" on table manners was making mealtimes tense.

I may have suggested he take over etiquette training. I may have suggested he teach an etiquette class. I may have suggested he take an etiquette class. I was in fine form.

And as we debated/argued, he finally launched this perfectly logical question: why are elbows unacceptable at the table?

I paused. All I could come up with was "it's rude."

"Why is it rude?"

...

I've got nothing. I laughed because I couldn't come up with a single reason. I laughed till I cried. And then I called my mom (who didn't answer). Yeah, mom. Why are elbows on the table unacceptable?

She didn't know either, and sent me to google. Apparently, this rule surfaced in the Middle Ages when people were seated closely and at long tables, meaning your elbow would be in the middle of another's dinner plate. Now that we dine more comfortably, many say the rule is defunct. I think I'm losing this one.

******

Also, as I write this post, Boy sits at the table, coloring a little book of pictures he made at school. This is a consequence, because if you lie to me and tell me your teacher says you're not allowed to color something just because you don't want to color it, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna make you color the whole blasted thing.

January in Review

• I turned 30! (Today one of the kids asked if I was in triple digits yet.) We laugh now, but the day of was actually a bit traumatic. I was excited and eager to celebrate, and Boy came home from school exhausted and asked to go to bed early. So Matt and I ended up eating Dairy Queen for dinner in front of the TV. Not really what I'd anticipated...
• We've been working all month (the last of many months) in preparation for the Creekside Relaunch happening on Sunday, 2/3. New logo, new branding, new opportunities to serve our community. It's gonna be big!
• I had an awesome cold that lasted almost 3 weeks and finally required antibiotics... I can't say I'm 100% yet.
• We had some team leadership changes in our Kids Ministry that has meant spending extra time with some new leaders. I love seeing people put their gifts to work!
• Threw a non-shower shower for a friend having a baby next week. So excited to meet this little one! If her older siblings are any indication, she's gonna be gorgeous.
• Started the first of this year's garden additions in reused milk jugs to act as cold-frames. Hope this works!
• Met Boy's teachers and was thrilled by the glowing report they gave. They love him, told me all about how well he's doing, and helped me learn about some ways we can help him at home. I'm glad he's surrounded by such a positive team.
• The Thaete Household is adjusting well. We're all figuring each other out, adjusting to routines, and getting comfortable with boundaries.

It doesn't seem busy, but it's been busy. :)

Noodle Battle

Early on in Boy's time with us, I shared about some of our meal-time challenges. I remember asking his last foster mom for a more comprehensive list of favorites, and telling her that I wasn't planning on cooking different meals just for him, so I might as well start with things he liked... Her reply confessed that she pretty much cooked separately for him at each meal because he was so particular.

That was not going to happen in our house. This is not Burger King, you can't have it your way.

So we've been introducing our usual meal choices, along with a hefty plate of his favorite fresh veggies so that if he doesn't like dinner, he doesn't have to go hungry. We don't make a big deal about what he eats, which has helped minimize the button-pushing and boundary-testing, but we did notice a peculiar dislike for all variety of noodle. And it was maddening.

One evening, Matt - who is demonstrating exceptional parenting prowess at every turn -capitalized on a conversational moment with Boy to ask about his aversion to noodles. Hs response was something like:

"Well, if you wish really hard on a star, noodles can become snakes."

I suppose if I believed that, I'd avoid them too.

Matt handled it beautifully of course, and informed Boy that a) it doesn't work that way and b) noodles are made out of the same ingredients as lots of other things he loves. Like hamburger buns.

And because I'm kind of a brat, I only-sort-of intentionally planned a week's worth of meals involving mostly noodle/pasta dishes.

Sautéed chicken with buttered noodles. Boy ignored noodles.
Lasagna. Boy ate it. Didn't notice the noodles.
Tuna casserole. Boy ate that too, seemingly unaware of the noodles?

While I cooked yet another noodle dish, Matt broke the news to Boy that all of these things he seemed to like we're made with noodles even though the noodles looked and tasted different in each. Boy's jaw dropped. We stifled laughter.

Beef stroganoff, over noodles. Boy ate around the noodles, and we insisted on about 4 bites of actual noodle. He discovered that if you put stuff ON the noodle, it's actually not bad.

And tonight, I felt rather victorious as he ate most of the noodles in our Spicy Peanut Noodles, which he helped make. No fuss. No puking. Did I mention he "doesn't like" peanut butter?

So, I think that's 2 points for us, no? Too early in the game to call the winner of the Noodle Battle?

Milestone

Today, friends, we reached a milestone.

Today was the first day that I was not counting the minutes until bedtime.

You see, since boy came into our life three weeks ago, he has been expecting constant entertainment, and failure to meet his expectations was met with a battery of "I'm bored" and "What should we do now? What should we do after ...? What should we do after that?" (Yes, one after the other, just like that.

Over and over, I've answered the "I'm bored" with all sorts of things I'm sure my mother said to me:
"Do you need me to give you something to do?" (More of a threat than a legitimate question, as I rifled through a mental list of feasible chores. This was definitely my mother.)
"It's not my job to entertain you."
"Boredom is a choice, a lack of imagination."
And the most profound: "Congratulations."

But today... Ah, today was different. Today he occupied himself, finally learning that the only choices I ever give him when I'm busy are to play with toys in his room or to play with toys in his bedroom. Today, he didn't pester me with the plans for the day because he knew I'd only say what I always say: "I don't want to plan out every minute of my day" (Sidenote: This is totally false. More accurately, I don't want to share my plans. But he doesn't need to know that.) Today was a happy mix of time with Kate, time with Matt, time alone, time together as a family.

And that meant that when dinner was over and bedtime rolled around, we were still enjoying each other's company. No behavior problems. No irritations. No scoldings. Today was the first totally pleasant, enjoyable day we've had together. Milestone.

Ten Hundred Stars

Boy gets stars at school to mark his behavior - a star in the afternoon, a star at night. Until now, stars have been required for any screen time, and since that's his main motivator, it's helped him control the impulses that tell him to poke his neighbor and lose a star.

But things are changing around here as we learn about him and what he needs, we're minimizing screen time - like none at all during the week. Yesterday he got two stars and when he put two and two together that he wouldn't get to play video games even though he got his stars, you could see the gears turning. We're teaching him that being good at school is his responsibility ("his job") and we don't always get an immediate reward for doing our job.

So this morning, still wondering what would replace his video games as his reward, he peppered me with questions while we waited for the bus. I just tried to keep up.

A: "Kate, what happens when I get two stars?"
K: "I will give you a big hug and a big high five."
A: "Well, what happens when I get 200 stars?"
K: "I think we'll go out for ice cream."
A: "What if I get '10 hundred' stars?"
K: [doing mental math, 180 days in a school year, 2 stars a day, 360 maximum, ok I'm safe] "Buddy, if you get 1000 stars, we will go to Antarctica to visit the penguins." [Sure hope his teacher doesn't get any crazy ideas about calling my bluff...]
A: "What if I get 2 million thousand stars?"
K: "I'll let you be the parent, and I'll be the kid."
A: "What if I get 199 stars?"

Seriously, this went on for about 10 minutes until I finally told him my brain hurt. However, I think I've promised myself to: ice cream, a happy dance, Matt's happy dance, the dog and cat each happy-dancing, 12 high fives, and there may have been some talk about a trip to the moon.

December in Review

What a month! I love December - Christmas is my favorite time of year, and this December was special indeed.

• We returned in one piece from our Disneyland trip (but just barely!)
• I performed my first memorial service. Sad, but I was honored to do it.
• There was some snow. Not as much as we'd like.
• And so we bought new tires. That was expensive, but at least my car is ready for real snow.
• Boy came to us - it's like living with a whirlwind, a funny, affectionate, sweet little whirlwind.
• We saw the christmas light display at Bellevue Botanical Gardens, and drove through our usual neighborhoods. One of my favorite traditions!
• We decorated our own house for Christmas, of course.
• Memphis loves having a Boy of his own to play with. He's never far from the action.
• Matt and Boy discovered a love for trains on Christmas Eve when my stepdad busted out his old train set to go around the tree.
• Matt had another eye flare-up which landed us in the ER on Christmas morning.
• Boy & I saw "Wreck It Ralph" with some friends - seriously fun movie.

And now that it's January, a new life with new patterns shall begin.