on sabbath

a common theme in my life: learning how to rest.

i joke about being "high strung and tightly wound". i'm not sure those are completely accurate, but as my own worst critic, and with a tendency to overreact, i don't hesitate to apply some hyperbole in my self-description.

but hand-in-hand with these characteristics, i've struggled to learn how to rest - i mean, really rest.

it's not enough to get extra sleep. sleep solves physical tiredness. but when you push yourself hard, always trying to prove yourself, trying to cross off items on your mile-long to-do list, you reach a different kind of tiredness. it's called weariness. it's a lack of real rest - the kind of rest that restores.

God has led me on a journey over the past few years in learning to rest. tomorrow, i have the great privilege to share what i have learned at Creekside's women's retreat. i'm praying that my journey will be useful, and that what i've learned can, perhaps, shorten the learning curve for others. i'll post more tomorrow.

what i read: experiencing God, by henry blackaby

i set a lofty goal for myself this month - there were 5 books i needed to read, not including two fiction books i've also been working through. this week, i finished up blackaby's "Experiencing God", which was the second book i've crossed off my may reading list.

what i loved: as much as i love hearing the philosophy behind a principle or ideology, sometimes i just need to be told how to do it. blackaby has nicely paired theology with practicality, including several reflection questions throughout each chapter, as well as several exercises one can do to help them draw nearer to God. blackaby's theology is spot on, and he clearly speaks from a lifetime of devoted service and personal relationship with God.

what i didn't love: each chapter could have been more succinct. some of the illustrations were powerful, others seemed redundant.

overall: i'd highly recommend this book. i borrowed it this time around, but have since ordered a copy for my library. i know i'll go back to it, especially for those spiritual exercises.

in one week...

i'll be posting (hopefully) from santa ana, california, participating in a "leadership journey" which includes 3 days of learning in both training and observing a handful of churches with groundbreaking ministry and leadership models. and bonus, i'm going to disneyland!

what i read: leading on empty by wayne cordeiro

first book completed on my ambitious may reading list (7ish books!) - "leading on empty" by wayne cordeiro. this was an excellent and easy read. (there's alot to be said for well-spaced pages - you cruise through the book and feel like you're making incredible progress.)

while written for leaders who have burnt out or are going down in flames, it was a useful read for me. i'm a fairly extreme personality - high highs and low lows - so when i'm under-rested, depending too much on my own strength, or trying to hard to live up to other people's standards, i tend to become very unreasonable.

it's probably good that i read this now - while i'm in something of a "high high". i was able to apply a few things to my routine immediately, which will help prevent me from hitting those low lows.

what i liked: cordeiro is vulnerable. he tells his story with an honesty that reminded me that i'm not alone. he also included a few chapters on his own personal spiritual care routine, which keeps him grounded - this was helpful to me, as i've been considering establishing an intention routine.

what i disliked: n/a - also, i finished it a few days ago, so i'm not sure i can recall any complaints. :)

waiting to be a mother...

the question i get the most when meeting new people, especially at our church, is "do you have kids?" and those that already realize that we don't have kids will ask instead "are you planning to have kids?"

we're becoming increasingly comfortable talking about this, so today i'm sharing out loud. we've been trying to have a baby for about four years, and are considered medically infertile. (the why is another topic for another day)

mother's day bears for me a slight sting, but i work hard to avoid the "woe is me" attitude. my God is a big God, and He is journeying with us down this path for a very good reason. i just don't know what that is yet. (inside information that suggests it's for character development.)

i don't want to be pitied. i want to be encouraged. i definitely don't want advice - trust me, we're past the advice stage. you don't have any advice that our doctors haven't already pointed out as being not-applicable to us. (sorry, but it's true!) but i do crave your prayers - mostly for God's guidance in the direction of our family.

so there it is. mother's day is an annual reminder that i am in waiting, and i'm at peace with that. it gives me more time to just appreciate the wonderful mothers i know, including my own.

on the death of osama bin laden

many are celebrating today after the news last night from our president that osama bin laden has been killed. while i understand their relief, that his deceptive ways and murderous plots have died with him, i am confused by their celebration.

it has taken me some contemplation to find the words, so be patient with me while i try to explain. whenever i'm unsure as to how i feel about any given issue, i go back to scripture - i start with "what i know"...

• Romans 5:8 says: "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
• John 3:16 says: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

i have seen just a glimpse of the expanse of God's love in the way he has redeemed my own life. it is not a stretch for me to know that he loved bin laden too. some will struggle with this - but God does not love selectively. God loves us all, but he is displeased by our sinfulness.

so now that i've gone back to "what i know", "how i feel" is this: the Gospel is that Jesus, the perfect Son of God, died to save us from the death penalty for our sins, and not just mine and yours, but everyone's: hitler, hussein, bin laden. so, without knowing what occurred in bin laden's last few hours, what went through his mind and his heart in those last few moments, i can't say for sure where he'll end up... but unless he genuinely sought forgiveness from Jesus, then it's true that he will spend an eternity in hell. some would argue that he deserves it, because they see him as a "bad person" in comparison to themselves, the "good people" that they are. but that is not God's standard. God's standard is "that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

some might say he did it to himself. this would be true. it is only by our own rejection of the Gospel that we spend eternity in hell. but would Jesus be so flippant? i don't think so. Jesus is the epitome of compassionate - it's the only way that he could have died for our sins when he, himself had done nothing wrong.

and so today, i am saddened for bin laden. and instead of focusing on his death, i am choosing to pray for the safety of our troops in the middle east, praying that there will not be a successor to follow bin laden, but instead that his organization will disband. please pray with me.

March AND April in review

behind, as always.

march, in review:

• adopted a dog! he's SUCH a doll. also kinda crazy. we've actually decided the right term for him is "enthusiastic".
  
• photographed the classical concert for Choir of the Sound
  
• started dog training because he's a maniac.
  
• made some serious progress on the quarterly goals i set in january at creekside.
  
• decided to start memorizing scripture along with our breakfast club kids to earn points for the big summer "b.c. bash". loving this challenge!
  
• reading: diana gabaldon's "voyager", blackaby's "experiencing God", maxwell's "developing leaders around you", "spiritual leadership" by oswald sanders, and "leading at the highest level" by ken blanchard. (a few of those have been in progress for a few months)
  

april, in review:

• it's official! i finished my last class! the 3 year program that has taken me 10 years to complete is done.
  
• my application for ordination is complete, and will be in the mail soon (followed by a big exam this Summer and an interview this fall).
  
• went to my favorite ministry conference a few weeks ago, getting to meet a leader in the kidmin field who has impacted my ministry the most. love coming away with new ideas and feeling recharged.
  
• repo'd a pool table - bet you'd never guess "repo agent" was part of my job description. (neither did i.)
  
• went rollerskating for an all-church skate night. bad idea. the last time i rollerskated, i was 5. i'm pretty sure i was awesome at it then. i'm not now. one lap around the rink, i'd fallen twice and i was done!
  
• had our first Good Friday service at church - such a beautiful remembrance.
  
• celebrated our 3rd Easter at the new campus, with a record attendance of nearly 600. such an exciting day!
  
• finishing up dog training (or "doggy brainwashing" as we've called it). wish i thought it was helping. selective obedience only, dontchya know.
• finally got rid of all the (s)crap we've had leftover from tearing down the patio "awning" and taking out the "fireplace" and chimney. two ambitious dump runs made possible by a good friend with some spare time on his hands.
• matt is patching up the hole in the wall from the fireplace, now that we've decided we don't need to install a new one.
  
• heading tonight to jet city improv to celebrate a friend's birthday.
  
• reading: gabaldon's "drums of autumn", "leading on empty" by wayne cordiero, blackaby's "experiencing God" and "spiritual leadership" by oswald sanders (yes, still)
  

Hey look! I'm posting from my iPhone. I *heart* technology!

the newest member of our family...

isn't he cute!? he's about 14 months old, some kind of lab mix (we think he could be boxer or pit or even greyhound), and he's a little spastic - but an absolute doll. hopefully, some dog training will do us all good.

February in Review

(This 3x per week thing is not working out so well.)

• Matt gave up "screens" for the month, and within 5 days, because God is just that amazing, he had a new job. Related? Hard to say, but choosing to believe so.
• Celebrated Valentine's Day simply - dinner out the weekend before, and then babysitting for friends so they could enjoy the night.
• Won an ipod touch at a meeting i didn't even want to go to...
• Matt started his new job, and is working 6 days a week for a season.
• Launched a third service at Creekside.
  
• Decided to adopt a dog... adoption pending.
• Went to Leavenworth with mom & family. They rented a cabin for the weekend and we played hard - sledding and snow-shoeing.

Judging by the length of the list, one might think it wasn't much of a month, but boy was it! More later...